type. erase. type. erase. type. erase.
this has been my pattern for trying to blog for the past several weeks. so, after many attempts of filling a blank screen with 12-point characters, i am stuck. i cannot seem to find words to describe where i am at. analogies and pictures aren’t getting the job done. so, here i am. sitting at panera with coffee in hand. i’m only 32 days away from this thing. this thing that will surely change my life and everything about it. 32 days from being wrecked beyond comprehension and beyond return.
and it’s starting to hit me. i’m a little nervous. and yet, oh-so ready.
because this unrelenting, ludicrous, difficult, worth-it-in-the-end way of life is overdue. way overdue. and i’m ready for it.
i’m ready for the challenge; the victories and the defeats.
sure, i have reservations. because it’s going to be hard. and if these past weeks since camp have offered me anything at all, they have offered me a good, long, hard look at myself and the current state i am really in. i’ll be honest, it’s really not that pretty. i’m not a put together, perfect little package ready to go and suffer for jesus. basically, i’m broken and messy. i’ve still got hurts and pains and my own junk to deal with and heal from. and god is throwing me into the fire in an effort to refine me. he is ever so lovingly chipping away at those places that are void of him. it’s hard, and it hurts. and as the days come and go all i can do sometimes is sit back and smile. because this is nothing but the tip of the iceberg. the insanity of what i am really getting myself into just makes me laugh. and bubble with excitement at the same time. this will absolutely be the hardest year of my life.
but, i’m ready.
i see the potential this year has to completely transform me. and i want it. i want every single ounce this thing has to offer me. i want everything god says i can have. i want to walk in all he says i am supposed to. i want to love fully and understand the deepest places of my savior. i want to be broken and put back together by the one who has redeemed me and called me by name. i want to hold the orphans and prostitutes. i want to feed the homeless and live alongside the widows. i want to discover what true community looks like. i want the good and bad. the ugly and the beautiful. i want to be a blessing to my brothers and sisters around the world. i want to discover and embrace my identity as christ defines it. i want to walk in freedom and liberation. i want to storm the gates of hell with passion and confidence. i want more than anything to live a life of abandon for the sake of the gospel and for the sake of the kingdom. the world race, for me, is the launching pad for the radical lifestyle the lord has called me to and i have chosen to follow. it’s crazy. it’s beautiful. if it makes me a fool, then so be it. i would rather be a fool for my jesus than an intellect of this world.
so, i guess that’s where i am at.
i’m just ready.
support update: currently i have $7,475 in my support account. thank you! while i am nearly halfway to my personal goal of $15,300 i still have a lot of support to raise. i am trusting the lord for big things and hoping you will allow him to use you as a part of advancing his kingdom.
this is the timeline we have been given for when all of our support needs to be in:
july 20th – $8000
november 1 – $11,000
february 1 – $13,800
please prayerfully consider supporting me financially. you can give by clicking the ‘support me’ tab on the left hand side of this page. i would ask that you would also consider passing along information about my trip to anyone you think would be interested in supporting me either financially or in prayer. thank you for all of your support up until this point. i could not do this thing without each of you. please sign up for updates if you are not already receiving them.
for the kingdom.
