in case you couldn’t tell, i’ve been putting off blogging for awhile now. but the time has finally come for me to return to cyberspace. brace yourself.
“so, how is being home?” i’ve heard that question on multiple occasions since hititng u.s. soil.
i’ve been home for exactly two weeks. it’s werid. it’s good and it’s bad all rolled into one. it’s different and it’s all the same. there are moments when i feel like i stepped back into life as it was and the last eleven months were just some kind of fantasy. and then there are moments when what’s right in front of me could be the twilight zone.
i was expecting to be really overwhelmed with everything. i had convinced myself that grocery shopping would impossible and that i would most likely forget where the silverware was kept. i was afraid the culture would shock me and that i would forget to speak english and flush the toilet paper. but it wasn’t like that at all. i stepped off of the plane and walked right back into normal life. and everything was good. for eight whole days.
and then i had a breakdown.
i realized that i don’t want everything to be normal. because i don’t want to be normal. i certainly don’t want to walk right back into who i was. because i have been changed. i have been awakened. i have been set free. i have seen poverty and desperation in ways i can’t dream up. and i have seen God move in ways that most people only ever read about. and i still want it. all of it.
so i am in a season of figuring out how to reconcile everything i have seen and the new person i have become with life as we know it back here. it’s hard. for the most part i just haven’t wanted to deal with it. in those moments i put on my sweat pants and sit in bed. but i can’t do that forever. i have to move forward into whatever it is the lord has for me during this next season. it’s hard to believe that it could be much better than the last eleven months. it’s a stretch for me to think he’s going to bring me a community that i will fall in love with like the people i just left. i know he has a plan. but there are still days when it takes work to believe that his plan is good.
so, home is sweet. i’m enjoying my fair share of coffee and grandma’s home cooking. i’m savoring my time with my friends and family and enjoying the freedom to just be. but it’s bittersweet at the same time. because i miss my people. i miss my k squad. i miss being in a different culture. i miss being around like-minded people that i don’t have to explain myself to.
it’s life. and it’s good. because he is good and he is faithful.
my apologies if none of this made any sense at all.
i’m georgia bound in just three weeks. i still need $8,600 to be fully funded for apprenticeship program. you can give here. thanks for all of your continuted support!
