It is so hard to
believe that I leave today for the Ignition Training Camp for the World
Race! I have so many conflicting
emotions as I prepare to take the first physical step on my World Race
journey. My funds have been raised; the
way is prepared; now all that is left is to go. I get butterflies in my stomach just thinking
about it! I wonder whether my hopes,
fears, anxieties, and prayers will be realized.
I can’t think of
my new team without remembering the amazing and beautiful girls who were on my Ireland mission
trip team. We had such a spirit of unity
and a true desire to see God’s will be done. I so hope and pray that this same bond of love and unity will be present
in my new team. If anything, I hope we
will take this to an even deeper level of community. After all, this team is going to be my family
for a whole year. We are to practice
living in Godly community as the family of God. We are to strive to love each other unconditionally and to put the needs
of others before our own.
This aspect is
also my greatest fear. What if my team
members don’t feel the same way I do? What if personalities and desires clash? I think that these fears come from the Devil. I have been praying earnestly against them
and praying for unity, but still the doubts sneak in at times and nag at the
back of my mind.
Another
fear/anxiety related to my team is the question of what it will look like if
God actually answers my prayers. I have
as much of a role to play in the realization of this Godly community as
everyone else. What is it going to cost
me to do my part to love others as I love myself? I fear that it will cost more than I expect,
at the very least. It’s really quite
funny how the thing I most desire God to do is the thing I simultaneously dread
and even cringe from a bit. But maybe
this is part of counting the cost to follow Christ. In order to live, after all, one must first
die.
This may be my
greatest challenge on the race (not just with respect to my team, either). I will be required to change, to die to self,
to take up my cross and follow Christ. What these fears and anxieties really boil down to, I think, is
selfishness. Having to die and change
and be stretched doesn’t exactly sound like the most pleasant thing to go
through. But maybe this is an area of my
life in which I have not given complete control to God, and maybe He desires to
free me from my own prison. Nevertheless, He has left the ball in my court. I am the one who must choose to accept God’s
will and way over my own. I must be willing to change and trust God to take
care of the rest with respect to my team. It will be interesting to see how this develops over the course of the
next week and then continuing on to the next year.
