I had heard it said over and over. At the end of my Race, we were told that going home would be a shock; it would be hard. We would be faced with feelings of isolation and frustration as we returned to a culture that values temporary pleasures and comforts. Now three months after returning home, these feelings are finally hitting home for me, and I was caught totally off-guard. I guess I thought that I was in the clear; that I had adjusted back to society just fine.
Wrong!
Last week, I began a new job working at a chemical plant in east Texas. I spent this past weekend moving all of my stuff into my new apartment. But when that was finished, I just sat there -overwhelmed by the complete silence that seemed to engulf me. Here I was in a new town, a new apartment, a new job. Total contrast to what I have been living in for the past year – integrated community. Suddenly, the loss of that community was like a vacuum inside my heart.
“God, what are you doing in this? Why have you spent a year showing me how Christian community is supposed to be lived out, only to take me out of that and drop me in the middle of nowhere?” This is the question I have been asking God. God hasn’t been too talkative lately, it seems. In some ways, I feel more desperate for God than I did on the Race. I mean, I would much rather be out sharing the Gospel with the poor and destitute. I would rather be building houses for the homeless and feeding the hungry. I would rather be sitting in an orphanage holding children in my arms or playing crazy games with them.
But that is not what God has called me to right now.
He has called me to be here – working in a chemical company in east Texas. In many ways this is a more difficult step for me to take. New fears and uncertainties rear their ugly heads at every turn. Maybe that is part of the reason why God has brought me here. He doesn’t call us to the things that are easy. He calls us to the things that will make us more like Him. He sends us through the fire so that we may be refined and the impurities driven out of us. And through this process He is glorified. The Apostle Peter spoke of this in his letter to the early Christians:
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ! In his great mercy he has given us new birth into a living hope through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead, and into an inheritance that can never perish, spoil or fade-kept in heaven for you, who through faith are shielded by God’s power until the coming of the salvation that is ready to be revealed in the last time. In this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that your faith-of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire-may be proved genuine and may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the goal of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
– 1 Pet. 1:3-9
What a promise! I need that reminder that this life is but a passing shadow compared to eternity. Our heavenly reward will far surpass anything we might walk through here on this earth. And even here we have the comfort of knowing that God – the God of the universe! – is walking beside each one of us, and His Spirit lives inside each of us! If only we could fully grasp that reality!
So I write this as an encouragement to all who are currently walking a difficult path. Maybe God has led you to a place that frightens you – a place where you must rely completely on Him. Know that you are not alone, even when you can’t see God with you. Keep believing in Him! And as you believe, may you be filled with joy inexpressible and glorious.
