Laine, my squad leader and amazing friend, and I walked down to an adorable cafe and bakery this morning to have some time together. She’s just one of those friends that is capable of always bringing things back around to The Lord and leaving you feeling like you’ve had a breath of fresh air. She’s also been given the great gift of wisdom and the ability to ask the right question at the right time. In between sips of rich, black coffee and bites of crusty, dense French bread, she asked me, “What are most excited about right now?”
I had to think about my answer for a moment. What was I most excited about? I’ve just finished my first month on a new continent. That’s exciting. I’ve just wrapped up a month with my new team. That’s exciting! And we just had an amazing month of ministry traveling Malaysia to find new ministries for AIM to partner with. That’s exciting too! But, what was the most exciting?
After some thought, I answered, “The Lord has been revealing things to me like crazy lately. I feel like I can breathe again. I’m learning more about the Holy Spirit. I’m slowly but surely learning that God’s greatest gift is the gift of himself.”
The first three and a half months of my Race were kind of rough. Don’t get me wrong, they were also incredible and I loved them! But I was battling a lot of attacks and, honestly, sometimes battled attacking myself. The first bit of my Race was a season of wrestling and working things out with my spirit and The Lord.
This past month and a half though? Golden. Oh so golden and sweet and wonderful. Daddy God has been whispering secrets of the Kingdom to me. He’s been revealing scripture left and right; making it come to life in ways I’ve never seen before. I’ve felt more real with him lately and increaseingly more willing to be vulnerable with him and my squad.
I love seasons like these. The relieving gulp of water after a straining run. The sweet, refreshing wind after an arduous hike. The brilliant dawn after the long midnight.
This new morning I’m experiencing lately reminds me of Jacob (Israel) wrestling with God in Genesis 32. At day break, Jacob tells God, “I will not let you go unless you bless me.” There are so many meaty lessons to learn from this story, but one in particular warms my heart and encourages my spirit. I love that The Lord blesses his people when they wrestle with him. Our God isn’t afraid to get real and messy with us. He invites us to bring everything to the ring. Then, after working out our doubts, fears, sins, frustrations, and unbelief, he blesses us. He blesses us with new identities, like Jacob becoming Israel. He blesses us with new revealations, with gifts of the Spirit, with the gift of more of himself. He blesses us in his perfect wisdom wth exactly what we need.
So, what am I most excited about after all of the tugging and pulling and pushing with The Lord? I’m delighted to be in the morning light with my King. Our wrestling is over for now and, like a warm cup of coffee beside crusty bread at a table set just for us, he’s generously pouring out blessing I’m so ready and hungry to receive.
