“Comparison is the thief of joy.”
Never have I ever: crossed an Indiana-Jones-style bridge to get to ministry, dug a huge trash pit, ridden in the back of a pick-up truck with 5 other people, 2 pinatas, 1 very large container of rice, and gifts for 2 hours to get to a school in the mountains, or danced with an elderly widow at her home on the side of a mountain on Christmas Eve … until my team went to Honduras.
After 3 months on the field, some serious homesickness was starting to set in; especially because it was Christmas season, my favorite time of the year. But on our first day in Honduras, the Lord gave me a wonderful gift. He gave me chilly weather, gorgeous mountains, AND hot showers; the perfect little taste of home.
Our squad arrived at the Adventures in Missions base in Valle de Angeles, Honduras on a cool, rainy afternoon. As our bus climbed the mountain, we beamed with joy at the sight of Christmas lights, poinsettias, and pine trees all around us. After a night of resting and a delicious dinner at the base, our teams packed up and split off to head to our various ministry sites. Because Month 4 was Man-istry for the guys, we were an all-girl team. So, Laine, Brittany, Courtney, Keri, and I headed for Gracias Lempira to spend two weeks with the Goodwin family.
Our bus was a little late getting us there, but we were still greeted by smiling faces. Kevin and Melissa joyfully met us at the bus stop and, after tossing our bags on the roof of the car, we headed to their home. They graciously showed us to the little apartment we’d be staying in for the next two weeks and then we spent some time in their home chatting with them.
Most mornings we’d get up and have a breakfast of fried plantains, beans, tortillas, and eggs around 7:30 or 8:00 and, afterwards, have coffee and quiet time for an hour.
Then we’d pack up the car with food, games or a craft, and the Goodwin kids and head to visit “The Family Across the Bridge.” Kevin and Melissa had met a few of the family members in town and began to build a relationship with them. Over time, they were invited to come see their home… across a very old wooden bridge hanging over a river affectionately named the “Rio Negro” because all of the city’s waste flowed into it.
In Central America, well all around the world, but especially in Central America, eloquent promises and broken commitments are as common as flies on a cow. The people don’t want more words, they want someone that’s talking the talk to actually walk the walk… and that’s exactly what the Goodwin family is doing for them. The Family Across the Bridge does not know the Lord and for a long time, the grandfather wouldn’t even let his family hear about God. And so, since the family wasn’t open to hearing the Gospel, they showed the family Christ loved them through their actions.
Each time they visited, they brought a meal to share with the family, with plenty of leftovers. They brought clothes and soccer balls to the children. One of the boys suffered from epilepsy and had seizures almost everyday, so the Goodwins regularly prayed for him and learned how to help the family whenever he had a bad day. We even got to help them dig a trash pit for the family. They threw most of their trash all over their yard, which was not helping to keep them healthy. After the pit was dug, we created a game with the kids to inspire them to pick up the trash around their property. I wish you could have seen their faces light up each time they threw a handful of garbage into that hole! They were so proud to be taking care of their home.
Because of the way our hosts tangibly and consistently showed the family they cared about them, Kevin and his friend were invited to share a bible story. It was amazing to watch the family open up to hearing about Jesus. The grandfather even invited them to come back and teach again!
After two weeks with the Goodwins, we made our way back to Valle de Angeles to spend two weeks with the Jones. David and Scarleth are in their early/mid-twenties but haven’t let their young ages stop them from beginning a ministry. Hope at Hand, the ministry ran by David and Scarleth, focuses on bringing the gospel to children in the Valle area in tangible ways. They visit schools almost every day, bringing a meal, games, and a message.
Because it was Christmas season when we were with them, most of the kids weren’t in school which meant that their ministry looked a little different than usual. We did a little bit of everything: prayed over a widow on the mountain, spent time with the man that tends to the cell phone tower on top of the mountain, picked oranges that were grown on the property of another missionary couple, handed those oranges out to tons of people, helped Scarleth’s brother with some construction work on his home, built an outdoor oven to help the Jones make bigger meals for the kids, made Nacatamales with Scarleth’s mom on my birthday, and passed out clothing to families in a village. We even had the chance to spend Christmas Eve with the children at one of the schools David and Scarleth regularly visit. And, for an extra special Christmas, we made a traditional American Christmas dinner and invited Scarleth’s family and their friends over to enjoy it with us. I loved the variety of ministries we got to do and loved getting a glimpse at what a missionary family’s life is sometimes like: a mosh-posh of doing whatever you can for whomever you can.
In the midst of all of this, God was doing some incredible things behind the scenes. I was still struggling with vulnerability and having the courage to be myself when a friend of mine sent me an encouraging message:
“Just remember that being vulnerable is often the bravest and healthiest thing you can do with your team and with God. The Good News is that you’re still lovable when you don’t have your shit together.”
It began to hit me that that really is the main message of the Gospel, the best part of the really Good News. Paul reminds us in Romans 5:8 that “God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” You and I are so unbelievably loved, even when we are messy.
I began to think and pray about why I was still having trouble being myself, even though I knew that I was unconditionally loved and fully known by the one person that matters most. In the back seat of a bus on the way from Gracias to Valle I realized that, for years, I struggled with comparison. Whether conscious or unconsciously, I was constantly comparing myself to everyone around me. “She’s skinnier, he’s smarter, they’re braver, she’s kinder, he’s lazier, they’re more laid back…” The list went on and on. And, even worse, I compared myself to other Christians to gauge how “well” or “poorly” I was doing. If I felt that someone was a better Christian than I was, I’d try to be more like them. If I felt like I was doing a better job than someone else (coughPRIDEcough), then I’d not let them see my messier parts for fear of seeming like I wasn’t as put together as I wanted to look.
News Alert: There is no such thing as a “good” Christian or a “bad” Christian. Only people that surrender to Jesus and follow him by faith.
The saddest part about having a comparing spirit is that you miss out on the fullness of joy Christ came to give you. When you compare, you essentially are asking who is better, you or them? You end up being filled with pride and risk hardening your heart or you drastically downplay the beautiful heart God has given you by thinking that someone else is a better creation than you are. That is not how we were created to function. We each have a unique combination of the Father’s personality and heart that no one else in all of history has had before… and being anything other than that is a disservice to the world.
“For the body does not consist of one member but of many. If the foot should say, ‘Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body. And if the ear should say, ‘Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,’ that would not make it any less a part of the body. If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing? If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell? But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body… If one member suffers, all suffer together; if one member is honored, all rejoice together.” (1 Corinthians 12:14-20,26)
After the Holy Spirit showed me that I had been struggling with this for years, he helped me begin to walk in freedom. I still struggle with it at times, but it’s getting better each day. And the best part: I’m starting to really enjoy the unique way God has wired me and has designed me to relate to him.
It’s so freeing to be yourself.
Christmas dinner with Courtney, Laine, Britt, and Scarleth.
