So..here it goes. I'M GOING ON THE WORLD RACE IN SEPTEMBER! and I am SO stoked :]
Being led to the World Race was quite an interesting journey, full of many tears, hours of prayer, fasting, breaking down barriers I had built around my heart, and complete submission to the Lord. I thought sharing how the Lord led me to the World Race would be a neat first post :]
I first began looking at the race my first year in college. I heard someone talking about it somewhere and thought I'd check it out. I remember thinking, "that sounds cool, maybe after college..but probably never". In my mind at the time, that was pretty much where it began and ended. However, the Lord had other plans.
At the beginning of this school year, August 2010, I started praying through what the Lord wanted me to do in the future. Life at the time, was completely outta wack, and I felt like every strand was unraveling at an uncontrollable rate. It was like almost instantly I had lost complete control of everything that felt normal and I was slowly slipping into someone that I'd never been before. I spent a solid two months feeling this way, but still trying to "make it through" life. Finally in mid-October, I broke down at 1am and realized that I couldn't handle everything that was going on in my life. I needed something more.
In looking back through my journal during that time now, it's interesting to read what was going through my mind during quiet times. It seems that the world was bliss. My walk with the Lord hadn't changed. It was still intimate and deep and real. Not many journal entries were complete sob stories or showed much of anything about how I was really feeling at the time, but I knew in my heart that things were off. That night in October, I fell to my knees completely broken and lost and cried out to God to take it all away. I was battling a broken heart, grief from losing my Grandmother while serving overseas as a missionary that summer, and trying to transition to a new house, new roommates, new classes, new jobs. The Lord comforted my soul and confirmed that I should talk to someone, instead of continuing my pattern of seclusion and utter loneliness. I knew that I couldn't "fix" myself on my own. So I decided to go to counseling.
It. was. awesome. This was a step of faith that I never thought I would journey close to in my life. (I truly believe EVERY Christian woman should go at one point or another in life!) I thought counseling was for people who couldn't deal with their own problems and never in my life did I think I would be sitting in that office with those people who had those "problems". This was also the first step of faith that I've taken in obedience to the Lord, that I've seen the Lord completely bless every second of it. This started a long series of blessings from the Lord, but in thinking back to this first step, my heart is overwhelmed with joy.
I attended counseling until the end of the semester. I cried the entire time until probably the second to last meeting. My counselor was a saint for putting up with my mush, and sometimes I think about sending her one tissue for an entire year to make up for all the ones I used. It was during that time that I began to process over my life – dealing with things that I had never truly dealt with, healing wounds that needed healing, seeking forgiveness and extending that and grace freely, letting go of burdens that I had held on to for years. This time was quite a transforming period not only in my own personal life, but also in my walk with the Lord.
Leaving for Christmas break, I felt rejuvenated. I felt more content with life and where the Lord had me. I felt more ready to live out James 1:19, "to be quick to hear and slow to speak". I was ready to live all out for the Lord in whatever way He called or led.
Halfway during break I went to Radiate, which is Campus Crusade's Winter Conference. It was here that the Lord made His first move in leading me to the race.
On December 30, 2010, during the nightly session, Keith Bubalo spoke on “How Does God Want to Use You”. He started by talking about how God has probably been working in some of hearts about where the Lord’s calling us to be. And how when God’s spirit is moving, we have to capture the wave, get on it and do what He’s calling. He talked about 2 Corinthians 4:6-7, where Paul says, “let the light shine out of darkness shine in our hearts to give the light of the knowledge of the glory of God in the face of Jesus Christ. But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us”. He also read Matthew 5:16 which says, “let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in Heaven”. And he ended with 1 Peter 2:9, “but you are a chose race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for His own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of Him who called you out of the darkness into His marvelous light”. In that moment, all I heard Keith say was “the world needs light, a broken vessel sent abroad to see others, students, orphans, widows, families, men, women, children, people just like me, come to know the Lord. The world needs Jesus. Could that be me? Could I be that broken vessel sent abroad to share Jesus?” The more Keith spoke, the more I felt like he was literally reading my mind. He then spoke about fear – the fear of what might happen if I take this step of faith. What’s holding me back? He challenged those of us there, in that room, to reflect on our lives, are we living sacrifices for Jesus, are we living it? Are we living out Romans 12:1? He finished his talk by quoting Jim Elliot, “the will of God for our lives is bigger than we can imagine”.
And there I sat, in that chair, in that room, surrounded by hundreds of believers, floored. We entered into a time of prayer and mediation, focusing on what Keith spoke on and what God was saying to our hearts. I was so overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit. I sat for a while and just prayed. I prayed that the Lord would use me. I wanted to be used by God in whatever way He wanted to use me. I asked God to break down the barriers that I had in my heart and the fears that clouded my mind and tried to convince me that I wouldn’t be able to do “it”. To rid my mind of thoughts that I wouldn’t be able to serve the Lord overseas, let alone in ministry, period.
After a while of praying desperately over my life and the Lord’s calling, I asked the Lord for confirmation. I wanted some sense of confirmation that the Lord was calling me to the ministry in some fashion. Literally, six seconds after I ended my prayer and said amen, I flipped open my bible. It opened to Acts 26:18 which says, “to open their eyes, so that they may turn from darkness to light and from the power of Satan to God, that they may receive forgiveness of sins and a place among those who are sanctified by faith”. After reading this verse, all I wanted to do was cry. The Lord had confirmed.
I started to sing the song, “None But Jesus” by Hillsong silently to myself.
“in the quiet, in the stillness, I know that You are God..
There is no one else for me.
None but Jesus.
Crucified to set me free.
Now I live to bring Him praise.”
God had confirmed. That next year I would spend doing ministry in some way. In that moment I thought that it would be on a college campus doing ministry with Campus Crusade. But God had bigger plans.
The story doesn’t end there. I prayed and prayed and prayed and cried and prayed for the Lord to lead. I was anxious, I was needy, and I was ready for the Lord to show me where He wanted me to be. There was no answer, but I felt the Lord saying, “Ashley, patience my child, patience”. So patiently I waited.
The Lord took me all the way to Quito, Ecuador to reveal more of His plan to me. On January 3rd, I found myself on a plane headed to Ecuador for a study abroad program with school. I had no idea what was going to happen – what I had gotten myself into, what I was going to learn, would I be scared? Nothing, I had no clue. But God knew.
That trip was INCREDIBLE. If there was a word better to describe that experience than that I would use it. I felt the Lord’s overwhelming security and guidance immensely there. The Lord protected me. He provided for me. He showed me His great love, mercy, and grace to the utmost while I was there. God’s faithfulness followed my obedience.
While in Ecuador, I really started to pray about doing overseas mission work. I literally started this continual prayer right after I arrived. I knew that I had built walls around my heart to protect myself from this ever being an option in my life. My discipler had challenged me numerous times to consider it, but I always responded with the same thing, “that sounds great, but I don’t think it’s for me”. For the first time, I asked the Lord to break down those barriers, those walls around my heart. I told Him that if He really wanted me overseas, that He would have to soften my heart to the idea. Now, many of you are probably thinking, “wow…she really knows how to put God in a box”. But I like to see it more so as surrendering control. Allowing the Lord to freely reign in my life and have the control that he indeed deserves.
And the Lord worked and moved. He did in fact soften my heart to overseas missions. One day in particular I was at home by myself studying, and for some reason the World Race came to mind. I decided to look over the website again and just “check it out”. Hours letter I found myself halfway through a box of tissues and a heart so full of joy that it could have burst like a balloon. It was then that I seriously began to consider overseas missions.
I came back to the states on fire. I called everyone and their brother. I called CRU staff to talk about interning. I called the World Race. I emailed people on the race, people who had returned, everyone that I could find. I wanted to know more, I wanted to know as much as I could about any opportunity to serve overseas. I read more blogs, shed more tears, and felt more joy. I had committed to continually following God in obedience. Following wherever He called.
The Lord really put the race heavily on my heart. Not a day went by that I didn’t think about it. I began to pray that if that’s where the Lord wanted me that He would confirm. And He did.
One random night I had stayed up super late doing silly things, but thought I would read a blog before I went to bed. It was in reading that blog that I felt the Lord pulling at my heart and saying, “Ashley, just go. Submit that application. Go.” That’s when I knew, I knew that this was where the Lord was leading. So I prayed. I told the Lord that I would sleep on it. I woke up the next day and submitted my application.
Yet again, I felt immediate joy. I felt like the Lord showered endless blessings all around me. I really felt like the Lord was saying, “well done good and faithful servant”. For the rest of that day, I was on cloud 9. The Lord once again showed me His faithfulness by my willingness to be obedient.
And soon after that, I was accepted and stoked out of my mind. More joy, more smiling, more obedience, more faithfulness. The Lord’s will had been confirmed.
So what started as a really rocky start to my final year of college, transpired into a testament of God’s grace. Through retelling this story over and over I can’t help but attest to God’s faithfulness, His grace, and His unfailing love. I firmly believe that the Lord will not or would not put me in any compromising situations that would worsen my relationship with Him. God wants what’s best for me. God has called me to be on the World Race and I’m willfully following Him.
So that’s my story, twenty pages later. Thanks for reading :] I pray that the Lord continues to work in your heart as you continue to follow my blog or team as we prepare to head overseas for a year of a lifetime.
If you’d like to support me, shoot me an email with your address, and I’ll send you a support letter!
“it’s your love that we adore,
it’s like a sea without a shore.
We’re lost in You. We’re lost in You.”
