This past week marked our halfway point on the race. As the day came and passed, nothing seemed too significant. However, after many discussions within our teams here, it has left me in a very reflective state.
A halfway point means that you have just as far to go as you’ve already come. In many ways it brings a realization that an end to whatever you’re doing will soon come. 6 months ago the race was only a figment of my imagination – now it’s my life.
And as many of the other racers on my team sang the song, “Oh, we’re halfway there, Oh Oh living on a prayer” which initially reminded me of Mason basketball games (GO Green, GO Gold, FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT), I also thought of how true that statement is in relation to this journey that I’m on. I am simply living on a prayer.
It is by God’s grace that I’m here in this exact place at this exact moment. Coming on the race I was ready to step into the missionary lifestyle – serving others, sharing the gospel, learning more about other cultures and other people groups. I was ready for the adventure and the fun. I was ready to have my heart broken for the ministries we’d be involved in. I was ready to experience life in a new way. And as much as I thought I was “ready” for this journey…I wasn’t.
The first three months was about walking through a season of surrender. It was about learning what’s it’s like to live in community. I learned about loving outside of myself sacrificially. In essence, the first three months “prepared” me for the remainder of my race. The Lord did HUGE things in my heart. He broke off lies that the devil was trying to “control” me with. He showed me how to have a heart of prayer. I was broken and weak, but I was in the will of the Lord. He was redefining and reshaping the Ashley Edwards that I “thought” I was supposed to be.
Month 4 began a new season in my life. As yall know, I went from team leading to a team member, and it was the best thing that happened to me up until that point on the race. It allowed me to step into a season solely focused on God and myself. That month was all about transition and starting to own my identity.
Month 5 I rocked the weave – I NEVER thought I’d do that, haha. The Lord held me in the palm of His hand and for the first time broke my heart for the ministry we were working with. I’ve shared a lot with yall about my time in Swaziland and how the Lord literally changed my life, so I won’t go into much more detail.
And now month 6 where I currently reside. This month is unlike any other month so far in this journey. There’s currently 2-3 feet of snow outside. We’re living in a house with running water, a washer AND a dryer, and we’ve had pretty normal food. All strange for being on the race. I haven’t experienced all THREE of those things during the same month since I left the States. Our ministry this month has also looked different than any other month. We’re living at a camp that’s shut down for the winter. We were told we’d be doing a variety of things like painting inside the main building, cleaning, and preparing the camp for summer. Well, because of the cold weather, we haven’t really done much. We took all the carpet squares out of the rooms in the main building to be cleaned, but now the building has been shut down because of a water pipe burst. The men were living across the street in another house, and they didn’t have water because the pipes were frozen. There was hope that it would be fixed, but yesterday as we were all at the ladies house, the pipes burst in their house and water was standing at least an inch in the floor. So, we all banned together and got all the carpet squares out of the house. Now life seems much more on a “racers” scale – 14 people, one house, one bathroom. Other than those two things, the men and a few women have been chopping wood. I, of course, almost chopped my leg off the first time I swung the ax. What’s a girl to do when it’s 5 degrees outside and your muscles are so frozen, a 10-pound ax feels like 30 pounds? Haha.
It’s true; our ministry here is quite limited. That’s a part of the whole “expectations that you’re supposed to drop at training camp” deal-o. I understand that. Through this experience so far, the Lord has taught me a lot about rest. I don’t think it’s ironic that we’re halfway through our journey and this is what our month looks like. It’s hard, yes indeed, because I have a very “do” mindset. But the Lord is teaching me how things that I don’t even “see” can be my ministry. Like, my team. We initiated a lot of intentional time with each other this month because of the laxness in our schedule. This has been awesome because I feel like I’ve gotten to know each of them on a deeper level – it really does feel like family now :]
But the truth is, it’s hard to simply “rest”. My mind is much more idle and it’s much easier for the devil to get a foothold into my life. The Lord spoke the word “worthy” over me at the beginning of this month. Worthy? It’s something that I’m still processing through. It’s the first word that I’ve been almost speechless about because I have no idea where to move with it. But I trust the Lord. I’m trusting in His plan and His timing for this month.
I’m reading through Psalms, and this morning I read Psalm 27. Two verses stood out – 4 and 14. “One thing I asked of the Lord, that I will seek after: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to inquire in his temple” (vs. 4). The desire of my heart his month is to simply dwell in the presence of the Lord. To “rest” in the presence of the Lord. To be so engrossed in Him that the devil has no room to slip into my life.
Vs. 14 says, “wait for the Lord; be strong, and let your heart take courage; wait for the Lord!” And so I wait. I wait for Him to speak, to bring clarity to the things He’s speaking over my heart and to continue to carry the name of Jesus into the next 5 nations.
Keeping praying for our time here in Romania and for March 7th for me specifically. I’ll explain more about the significance of that date in a later blog!
Me chopping wood! Yes, that's a stump of wood in my ax, haha
I also learned to crochet this month!
