It’s Final Debrief time. In two short days, I’ll be stepping foot on some good ‘ole American soil,…AND being tackled by my momma in the airport. All good things that I’m really excited about! But as for now, the Lord’s taking me through a process of reflecting on sweet memories, sharing lots of laughs with people that mean so much to me, and simply soaking in all this year has been in my life. Last night was our last squad worship, and it was beautiful!
Through lots of reflection about this year, I thought I’d recap it a bit for yall back home as many of you prepare to see me SO soon and I’m sure you’ll have millions of questions for me :]
Lately, this song has been stuck in my head:
“Be the Change”. Through a lens that’s so often hard to look through, I feel like that’s what God has called me to do this year. Whether it’s to Be[gin] the change within myself by His grace, or to simply Be[ring] (ok, I know that one’s a stretch, but ya know, “bring”) change to the nations. My race has been defined by words that the Lord has spoken over me every month. He’s used these words to teach me, challenge me, and grow me and CHANGE me in extraordinary ways.
Month 1: Philippines
RELENT: This was a month of continuously learning what it meant to let go of expectations and continue to walk in abandonment with the Lord. It was probably one of the most challenging months ministry wise; my heart was a shattered mess. Team LOL worked in a church that was in a dumpsite and in a cemetery. We were later moved to another location where we worked with street boys through an organization called “Children’s Garden”. This month, I learned a lot about the ways I had restricted the Lord from certain parts of my heart and life. In that He spoke so softly to my soul, “I won’t relent until I have it all”.
still one of my favorite pictures.
Month 2: China
Discipline: This month Team LOL was “off the map”. We had no internet and no communication with the outside world. We were roaming about a small Tibetan village without a contact or anyone we knew that spoke English. Many days were spent prayer walking the streets or at a café chatting with speaking English with random travelers. This was also the month that I met Jack, a Chinese policemen, and began teaching him English. Poppa taught me about the discipline of fasting and what true obedience to Him really looks like.
Month 3: South Africa
A New: Wow, this month was all over the place! Quite possibly my most “emotional” month but the Lord was so sweet to my soul through it all. Team LOL began the month at Christ Amazing Love Ministries. Here the Lord taught me a lot about dissension and the ways the devil tries to creep in and corrupt worship. We finished out the month with Volunteer Mzansi Afrika. I worked at a preschool with some of the most PRECIOUS kids ever. Here, the Lord taught me about redemption and how to climb back up the mountain when you find yourself in the valley. He taught me about His sweet embrace, the way He desires to romance my heart, and dear and unconditional love for me. He taught me that a storm doesn’t last forever – that the sun will come out soon enough. This month, He made me “a new”.
Month 4: Mozambique
Receive: This month began with team changes. What UP 220?! This month brought a lot of new adjustment aka being on a team with men is WAY different than an all girls team. He taught me how to open up my heart to people and have meaning conversations. We called me to “soak in the month” and “receive” the things He had for me. He had moved me from a season of leadership to a season of following. And in that receiving, He grew my heart to surrender control.
Month 5: Swaziland
Brokenness: This was the month my life was forever changed. Ministry was “fair game”. We could pretty much go/do whatever we wanted. From care point ministry (feedings, playing with kids) to the Hope House (home for the terminally ill), and visiting the hospital. I loved the hospital visits, so I spent a lot of my time there. This is where the Lord opened my eyes to see that our world is a lot more broken than we really believe or can see. I met precious Mukelo and Hlophe here and God brought clarity to why He had called me to the race – to love on the unlovable.
Month 6: Romania
Worthy: What a month. We arrived from Africa where we were living in 90-100+ degree temperatures to what felt like the arctic of Europe. We got of the train in flip-flops and light jackets and plummeted into 2 feet of snow. I think for the first 5 hours after we got to our house we all sat bundled up on the couch with as many clothes as we could find trying to get warm. This month, the Lord took me through a very personal and deep journey but He continuously spoke the word “worthy” over me to remind me that He had chosen me as His daughter, and I was worthy of that name. A beautiful month of redemption and freedom despite the many tears shed. The Lord was so sweet to my soul by providing me with so many caring teammates that understood my heart despite me crying through almost every feedback. Who doesn’t LOVE a “loving” community ;] This was also the month that the Lord called me to be on Staff at WVU with CRU!
Month 7: Serbia
Trust: This was the month that I was for sure my Momma was gonna fly to Serbia and take me home. It was hard. Our contact thought we were carpenters, our apartment had no heat, and we ate bread, all. the. time. SO much bread. But, through all the difficulty, the Lord called me to trust Him. And what a beautiful journey that was. By the end of the month, our contact respected and loved us so well. In this I realized how often in my life I say, “Yes Lord, I trust you”. But I’m quick to “give in” and take matters into my own hands when I feel like the Lord isn’t answering me or “making it happen”. So, I layed that at the feet of Jesus and asked Him to carry that burden so that I could trust Him more.
still hilarious!
Month 8: Bulgaria
Secure: After two months of manual labor and very little relational interaction or even ministry, the Lord spoke over me that I was secure – right where I was, in exactly what I was doing. That I had no need to fear the future, be disappointed with ministry, or search for contentment in anything apart from Him. In Bulgaria my love for my team grew and I truly began to realized how much the Lord had blessed me with the amazing people around me. If you haven’t yet, you can read more about that in my “Community Living” blog. This month, I laughed a lot, The Lord called me to fast from the things that we’re distracting me and disrupting my security. He held me in such a sweet spot this month, which perfectly prepared me to launch into Central America, on fire for the greatness He had in store for me.
Month 9: Guatemala
Different: This word described Month 9 to a T. Guatemala was WOmanistry, so all the men were in one place and the women in another. Ministry teams looked different. Rooming assignments included no one on my current team. It was hard, but good. The Lord stretched me to listen to His voice and speak out what He was speaking over me with boldness and confidence. He called me to walk more into the prophetic voice He has created inside me. He gave me a fresh wind and incredible strength to push through the last few months. In Guatemala, the Lord began to open my eyes to the love that I have so nestled sweetly in my heart for the Latin American culture. This month, I began to see the brokenness of the world in a “different” view. Things about “going home soon” began to sit “differently” in my heart. Relationships that I so love began to move into “different” seasons. These differences began to open my eyes and begin a “work in progress” in my life.
our contact, Luis, and Shan doing a skit. He was hilarious!
Month 10: Honduras
Intentionality: This month, our whole squad was together. And because of that, I think the Lord had a reason for speaking this word over me. 40 people in one place is a lot. It’s easy to lose yourself, your drive and motivation, and enter into “isolation”, without even realizing it. The Lord called me to be intentional in ministry, which my heart oh so broke for daily. He called me to be intentional with my team and relationships with my fellow squad mates. He called me to be intentional in my quiet times with Him. This month, after spending 9 months with our squad, we decided to spend a little part of each night after dinner sharing our testimonies with each other, yet again, intentionality. And this was probably one of my favorite parts of the month. At this point, I would say that I knew a lot about everyone on my squad, but it was neat hearing more in depth stories about their lives and their comings to Christ and how He had brought them on the race. As hard as some days may have been this month, when all I wanted to do was run away from the millions of people around me, I SO appreciate this month of intentionality. What a sweet way to “almost” wrap up the race.
Month 11: Panama
Prayer: I LOVED PANAMA. It is quite possibly my favorite country on the race – a smidge above Swaziland, despite all the crazy ailments and crazy things that happened health wise, I loved it! The Lord called me to prayer, and at first I was confused as to why this may have been my word. However, as the month progressed, I could see His reason so clearly. My biggest prayer before coming on the race was to see someone come to know the Lord. God answered that sweet promise this month, thanks to daily prayer and trusting in His faithfulness. I prayed for a peaceful heart in processing what “going home” looks like – the Lord’s blessed me with that thus far. I prayed for comfort and healing and watched the Lord move in amazing ways in that. We attended an all night PRAYER vigil, how ironic is that? Nah, that’s just God. This was such a beautiful month, what an amazing way to end this race!
And as I sit and reflect on these words and this year, and how the Lord might use these words in this new season of my life, the Lord gave me this:
I am practically moved to tears as I type the rest of this. How awesome is our God. He SO knows me and sees me and hears the cries of my heart. I am SO thankful for this amazing year of my life and the ways in which He has grown me into the woman He desires me to be. Please keep me in your prayers as I prepare to transition back in to stateside living. Please pray for me as I continue to raise support to be on staff at WVU with CRU in August. Please pray that the ways, things, and words that the Lord has spoken over me this year will come home with me. That I won’t “leave it all on the field”, but that “this good work that He has begun in me will be finished to completion”. Thanks for ALL of your love and support and prayers throughout this year. Yall are incredible!
I’m sure yall have LOADS of questions you’re just waiting to ask me, and that’s awesome! I can’t wait to sit down and chat about my experiences! It’s a little intimidating to hear these words, “so, tell me all about the past 11 months of your life”. So, if you’d like to leave questions at the bottom of this blog, I’ll be writing a final blog about them once I get back to Amurrrica!
