Every month we are asked what we are leaving behind in each country , this month my answer was fear .
Yes I know it doesn’t sound like it makes complete sense because it’s not an item it’s a feeling but let me explain .
For me fear has always been something I struggle with . As a kid I feared the dark , always thinking there was someone else in the house. As a teenager I feared almost every social situation . And as an adult I feared walking to my car alone at night and sometimes walking in broad daylight alone .
At one point fear ruled my life , in every situation the only thing I could think about was all the things that could go wrong , the possible ways the car could crash Or how someone could break into my house. It was exhausting and left me wondering what the point of life was . Because I knew one thing Living another 50 years scared of the world was not a possibility .
It’s taken me years to realize these fears arent actually mine and I don’t have to take ownership of them . What a relief that was !
With that said I do still struggle with fear and anxiety , honestly this whole race has been a constant battle of me telling my anxiety to piss off .
At times it’s overwhelming and I cry, other times I laugh .
I took a big step this month and I told my team that my words I’m leaving behind are :
This scares me
This gives me anxiety
And ….. Could go wrong
I came to the realization that this needed to happen last week when I was in a situation that gave me anxiety and instead of praying through it , I told a team mate how I felt . Which wasn’t a wrong thing to do .
But it gave me an excuse to feel that way , it stopped me from asking God why I felt that way and asking for his help .
So this month Im giving up those words, because i don’t want to be known as the fearful one on the team .
The reality is if I’m scared I’m not trusting God , I want to grow on the race and this is the starting point .
I’m so thankful to have a team with me who is helping me step into this freedom, most of my team laughs in situations that terrify me . I’m definetly being pushed and learning that the thoughts I have aren’t things everyone thinks .
I’m so excited to live out this next month pressing into what God says in those situations and not what the enemy says .
Praise report !
I’ve been very stressed and slightly anxious about the upcoming deadline which was on February 29th , I didn’t know how God would provide $2000 without internet and time to sit with him like I like to .
I continued to pray about it and he amazed me once again ! He provided the finances for the deadline which means I get to stay on the field! But it always surprises me how I worry so easily even though God has provided every time I’ve needed him to .
I’m so excited to continue seeking him and seeing how he amazes me and my team . This is definetly a stretching journey, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything !
Here I come Madagascar !
