There has been this thing. This thing for years. This thing that I can feel behind my ear, inside of my heart. Hovering slightly, not really leaving, staying long enough to just leave a whisper like warm breath dancing with cold air.
In some seasons it has been subtle and in some seasons strong, but its syllables remain the same.
And it is that thing that has told me to shut up. To be quiet, silent. To stop with my voice. To stop with the words. To hold back. To hide.
And as a little kid, I have vivid memories of this thing, putting fear into my heart, and keeping me quiet. I can remember trying to raise my voice, and hearing the laughter, and the mocking as if my voice paled in comparison. And it didn't come from people, it just came from the shadows.
Sometimes I can feel it sneak back up on me, just sitting on my shoulders like a cloak of silence shutting me up. And sometimes I find myself withholding on purpose. Sometimes I find my mind go blank because "I just don't know." Sometimes it is like the longer I am silent, the more I continue.
I know that in the midst of these moments where I have felt this thing trying to hush me, I have wrestled to break through it. And it is as if I had heard the message too many times, that somewhere inside of me I began to believe it, buying into the lie, that I should probably hush it.
And over the years, the Lord has coached me and brought me into levels of breakthrough. But I am just hungry. I am not hungry for partial breakthrough, but I want breakthrough one hundred percent.
I don't just want stories in the making, but I want burning and living testimonies that can become prophecies for an entire generation.
And so tonight, tonight I am sitting on my slanted bed with tear stained cheeks writing these words, because I have had enough. That as I write it here, I write it with my heart wide open, and declare to me and to you, that this is not who I am.
That this thing that has tried to shut me up and hold me back is being broken in Jesus' name.
And maybe you're reading this and you've heard this thing too, and maybe it has shut you up or torn you down. And in these syllables, the song of "me too" is singing in your heart and you're hungry for it to stop right now, tonight.
Can we say no to the lie tonight that our voice doesn't matter and can we cry out against the lie that told us shutting up, quieting down was easier and was safer? And can I declare to myself and to you, that your voice is important, valuable, beautiful, and powerful?
Can I tell you that there are messages that only you can bring, and that there is a side to His voice that only you can release?
That those words He gives you, mixed with the rich anointing He has given you, does something in the Spirit and in the earth that literally no one else on the earth can bring.
No one else.
And you know what, some of us are on a journey of coming into a realization of who we are. And we are transitioning from the place of wishing and wanting to the place of conviction where we are one hundred percent convinced.
Convinced.
Convinced that He loves me. Convinced that I am His. Convinced that His opinion is the one that matters. Convinced that He believes in me. Convinced that I am a dream of God wrapped up in flew walking on the earth. Convinced that He is good.
Convinced that He has given me a voice. A voice that was made to be sounded and heard.
And convinced that shutting up isn't safe or better, but knowing how to walk in the voice God has given me is freedom and life.
Listen, Jesus died on the Cross, was resurrected three days later and He handed us our voice back with a commission to be His voice on the earth. So what song are we singing? What message are we declaring? Who do we say that He is?
And if our answer is "I don't know" or held back in the corners of our lives, let's get free.
Let's get free tonight.
If you were one of the ones that whispered me too, can you comment and let me know? I wanna be praying for you, too.
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