There is something so surreal about life right now. Living on the other side of the world, being stretched and challenged in many ways, and discovering places in God I have not yet found, not yet stumbled upon.
And it is messy.
It is messy because it is stunningly raw but it is also real.
There are a barrage of emotions that someone goes through both in the leaving and also in the arriving.
It is like a firework busting at the seams ready to explode and yet also, it is like a strong ocean wave tumbling loudly upon your heart.
It is beautiful, but it is also scary.
Maybe it is scary because there are unknowns. Maybe it is scary because comparison is too easy of a game to play. Maybe it is scary just because it is.
But maybe that's what makes it beautiful.
Maybe what makes it beautiful is that Jesus takes all of our fear, overwhelms us with His love and whispers, "hush" in the sweetest voice you've ever heard.
And it is like I can hear Him asking to make an exchange with me.
All my fear for all His love.
This month, we are in the Philippines and we are starting ministry tomorrow (which I am super excited about and can't wait to share with you about later!)
And as we were walking around today, I had a realization about fear.
How it can be a powerful motivator for us, for us in relationship.
And how we weren't made to approach relationships as consumers but as servants, as sons, as daughters who know who they are and they know how to serve.
And feeling this conviction surge in my heart, that I have been a consumer in relationships. I have had a consumer mindset even when it comes to ministry.
How does this make me feel?
And it is like I can hear Him and He just calls us, He calls us to a greater, a higher place.
A place of being consumed by Him. A place of being fed in His presence that empowers us to tackle every relationship out of the place of laying our lives down.
And sometimes that feels harder, but I am choosing to press into it.
Because as I do, I am leaning into the chest of my Beloved one.
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