"Many are the plans in a person's heart, but it is the Lord's purpose that prevails."
Proverbs 19:21
Like most people my age, I've struggled with putting my relationship with God above my relationship with someone else. To me, their beliefs weren't important, either because I knew they couldn't change mine, or I thought that I could change theirs. Whatever the reason, it wasn't important to me.
Back in the end of September I met a guy at my apartment complex. From the first day I knew his beliefs (based on the tattoo he got, that I'm sure broke my Father's heart). We agreed that it would probably become an issue and even my older brother stepped in at one point to make his concerns about our differences known. Slowly things came forward in our relationship: After going to a wedding with me he made it clear he did not want any of the "God stuff" said when it was his turn to say his vows, I was missing church, even though he was encouraging me to go it was halfhearted and I was afraid he'd be mad.
Eventually he moved into my place when he got into trouble with his roommate, and of course things escalated. We had our issues, big ones, but I pushed them all away. I denied that they were there. Then he decided he was going to enlist in the Air Force and we made the decision to get married. Its after that decison was made and I started to openly talk about it that I was getting more concern from friends. Like they realized that this had become a serious situation.
Eventually all I could think about was that if I married this man I was missing out on this amazing, God driven man that God had planned for me to marry. I would spend my life thinking about a man that would have made me the happiest and best person I could be. A man that my Father handmade to marry His daughter, picked from a million people and made just for me. And I would choose a guy, a great guy, that denies my God. I couldn't do it. I couldn't put the want of a relationship above the plan for my life. So we ended it. And though it was so hard to hurt him I knew the decision I made was right.
A couple weeks after the break up I was eating lunch with my roommate when my future sister-in-law texted me. She asked if i had considerted leaving for the race in July when our friend was leaving. After that the thoughts just avalanched! Getting away from everything that was holding me back. Developing a closer relationship with God, so that I may be stronger when He is ready to send me my husband. I can help people, and lead them to the freedom from feeling like they need that human relationship to not be lonely.
There's so much right in this decison that I dont think I could ever regret this. My heart is full of joy knowing that for a whole year I will be surrounded by the love of God and people who want to dwell in it just as much as I do.
