Sitting in the open air on the ferri was the first time I felt zero pain in over a week. I found myself avoiding the waters in the front of the vessel, the way they ripped through calm waters ate at my heart. It was at the back of the ferri that my eyes found peace; where the dark sea was washed in white gashes from our trek, rushing in every direction, but slowly they melted back to normal, with just the slightest trembles of what had passed.
You see, for a week I had been experiencing chest pains, making it hard to eat or drink anything. Eventually I went to the hospital ( where I just so happened to turn 21), and did all I could to get better for our mini vacation to the island of Langkawi the next couple of days.
I did have to semi sit out of ministry on the morning of my birthday, but by the end of the night I was feeling so much better, and my teammates made this the greatest birthday I have had in a LONG time. I couldn't wait to celebrate more when we got to Langkawi!
We travelled early the next morning without a hitch. We got into town early enough to have two full days, dropped our bags off at the motel until we could check in at two, and set off to rent motor scooters and find some water falls.
Sometimes plans change…
We rented four scooters for the seven of us, Natalie and I deciding to share. I was just going to ride on the back but I had to drive off with it since Natalie didnt have her license on her. About ten minutes into the drive we came to a sharper turn in the road. I couldn't get the scooter to turn enough to make it, we ran up on the curb, and both of us were thrown from the scooter. Next thing I know my leg is hot but I can barely feel it.
From there I just remember seeing person after person standing over me. There were my teammates and cops and random people. Everyone was touching my legs asking if i could feel them, making me move my toes and telling me not to fall asleep. But I just wanted to get up. I felt stupid for wrecking the scooter, I was worried about Natalie, I was scared I was in trouble and I felt terrible for ruining everyones plans for the day. Man, those water falls sounded really good about now.
I was taken to the hospital in an abulance, Emily thankfully never left my side. The entire ride I kept thinking "what are You telling me God? Why have I been in pain? What do You want from me?!" and all I heard in my head was "Why do you think I would ever do this to you?"
You know, for a while I have struggled with believing there's a reason I'm here. That, yeah I am here to spread the word of God, but there aren't any big plans for me here. I've thought about home a lot, how easy it would be to just go back. But I'll tell you what, the enemy is going through a lot of trouble to get me out of the game for me not to have a huge role in this whole thing.
In the end Natalie and I were bruised up pretty bad, and I had to get twelve stitches in my left knee. But you have no idea how much worse it could have been. We landed on a small patch of grass, not slamming into the guardrail, not being thrown into the trees behind the guardrail. Even our belongings were in perfect condition, Natalie's camera was even around her wrist when we crashed! It just solidifies the fact that in the end we will always win, no matter the attacks from the enemy.
So like the waters being torn to the shreds at the front of the ferri, I was being destroyed, physically and, I hate to admit it, but spiritually, by the enemy. But just like the sea I watched for that hour ferri ride back to main land, God melted away the pain and the fear. Yeah, we are gonna have some pretty sick scars to remember this crash, but we aren't going to remember the panic and the hurt as much as we are going to remember that God had us at that moment, that our team came together in a crisis and flowed so beautifully together. And even though we were sitting in a hospital, we were sitting in a hospital together, and laughing at the enemy for even thinking he could win.
