I have thought about writing this blog about 100 times and every time I have failed to make it happen. A lot has happened in the past five months and it’s hard to know where to begin. So here I go at telling you about my life back in the States, but for the most part this is just a raw journal entry of everything I am still processing. Hopefully, this is the first of more blogs to come, but for now it’s just a start.
Trying to figure out a way to put into words what it is like being back home in America has been impossible. To make it even harder, I continue to push it off so that I don’t just have 1 week or 1 month to cover, instead it has been 5 months since I returned home from the World Race. There is not a day that has gone by where I haven’t spent time thinking about where I was and what I was doing at this time last year. Last year around this time, I was getting ready to spend my first Christmas away from home in India, at my very favorite ministry, Sarah’s Covenant Homes. The Lord rocked my world that month and broke my heart in so many new and beautiful ways. If I’m not careful, this blog will turn into paragraphs of all the incredible memories that flow through my mind every day. I’m going to hold off on that and try to give you a little glimpse into my life back in the states.
Life is good. That’s how I normally answer people when they ask “how is it being back”. And it’s true, life is good. I absolutely love my job, I believe I have the best bosses, I feel right at home in my new house and love living with my roommates. It’s been great to re-connect with friends and I have so enjoyed being able to see my family and be home for holidays, tennis matches, etc. Life is good. But it’s also hard. I’m learning that when they say life gets busier after college, that it’s actually true. I am finding that I really miss all the free time I had on the Race to read books, spend time in Scripture, have long spontaneous conversations with friends and so much more. I feel locked down by a schedule again, something that I often said I missed on the Race. I am adjusting to all of that though and it’s going well.
What hasn’t been so easy is accepting that my heart now will forever be split between so many places. I have my family in Rockford, my community in MN, my World Race friends all throughout the States, all of the people I met on the Race in other countries scattered every where. I am learning what it means to accept that I may never make it back to see the kids at SCH that I so dearly fell in love with or to Nepal to sit at my favorite coffee shop looking out on the Himalayas or to little KL (Kaula Lipis) in Malaysia where we met one of the most incredible God fearing couple. It’s really hard to realize that you may never again see people that you cared so much about. I even struggle realizing that my world race squad will never be in the same room in it’s entirety again. Yes, I may see squad mates here and there individually, but to have team One Hope under the same roof may take years to happen, if ever. It’s hard. My heart broke while I was gone missing everyone and now my heart breaks as I am home missing everyone I met while I was away.
What’s amazing though is that the Lord is teaching me that I do have hope. I have hope that one day I will truly see everyone again. I feel like it’s sort of become a cliche Christian answer, that we will all see each other in heaven some day, but take a moment and really think about that. Some day, all of our brothers and sisters in Christ will be reunited in heaven. Like wow! I’m brought to joyful tears as I really reflect on the fact that I could be in the same ‘room’ as all of my squad mates, my family, my dear friends and all of the people I grew close to in other countries some day. It’s just incredible and I’m continually reminded of how blessed I am to have a Father that wants to take all of his children home with Him some day.
So today, as I continue to struggle with missing people from this past year, my prayer that people would know Christ, feels so much more real. Not only do I want everyone I love to have an abundant life knowing our Father, but I also selfishly want to do life with them again in eternity! It’s this hope that keeps me going.
I’m thankful for all of you who continue to lift me up in prayers. It’s been an incredible 4 months at home. Challenging, but with that has come growth and so much opportunity to learn more about our Father. I’m headed home for the Holidays this weekend and next and I am so thankful to get to do life with my loved ones at home this year. Merry Christmas!
If you’re interested I thought I’d share a few fun photos from this past 5 months. Enjoy!
My family got to spend a week together at the lake right when I got home. I’m anxious to be with all of them again for the holidays!
I got to spend one last week with my World Race family at what we call “Project Searchlight”. It was a week to debrief being home after being back for over a month.
I got to move both my brothers into school. It’s been so great to be home and be able to be a part of their lives again. Crazy to think Justin is now a Senior and Brandon is a Freshman in college.
I went on a girls trip with my Grandma, Aunts, Mom and cousins.
I moved into my new home with some of the best roommates!
I still get to do life with this girl, Mardie, who went on the World Race with me. Naturally one of our favorite things to do is to go find food we miss, like bubble tea from Cambodia.
Lastly, I now have mirrors to take selfies in and showers that I can use more than once a week. It’s been quite the transition from World Race clothes to professional work attire.
