In preparing for the race, I was told constantly that I would have a lot of free time on the race.
“You will have so much time to connect with God and do quiet time.”
“It will be easy to stay in shape as long as you are disciplined.”
“You will have more than enough time to read books.”
We do have free time, but it has looked very different than what I expected. My free time and really all my time is not my own. I don’t get to create my own schedule at all, which is something that I had a lot of control over in America. Here, our host tells us when ministry is and when we will be leaving the house, meals are
prepared for us at the time they choose, and we have zero control over transportation and how long it will take.
You would think this at least means I have a lot of control over the then free time that they give us, but what is so tough is that the times and schedules chosen for us are never consistent, and well, on African time things are always running late. So for example, I may plan to go on a run right after lunch during my free time, but won’t actually end up having time because lunch will suddenly be running an hour later than normal. Or I might have the plan to do laundry Friday morning, but then suddenly our host decides to add in a ministry activity, taking away the free time I thought I might have.
It has been really tough to have zero control over my own time these past three months. There will be things I want to do or plan and I really just can’t because I don’t actually know when I will be free and I don’t have a choice over it. It’s challenging and something I have never experienced, because in school, I was the one who got to schedule my class times and when I wanted to do homework and go workout. Also, classes never decided to start an hour later than normal or I never had to end up walking an extra mile because we just couldn’t find transportation. Therefore, the time that I knew I had free in the states, typically stayed my free time and I was able to plan and schedule things for when I wanted.
The Lord has definitely been challenging me in this. As I sit and wish I could have my own time back and choose my own schedule, the Lord is reminding me that my time really never was my own. Yea, I did feel like I was in control back home, but was I really? If I was, it was because I wasn’t willing to hand the control over to God. So here I am, realizing it is time for me to truly hand the control over to God. It’s time for me to stop wishing I had my own time and wishing I could choose when I want to do devotions or choose when I want to eat or go on a run. It’s time for me to truly trust that my time and my schedule are completely in God’s hands. It is time for me to let my schedule be His and trust that what I get done in the day and what I do is what He wanted me to accomplish. It is time for me to trust that the schedule and plans that the Lord makes for me are in my best interest and that I really do not need to have any control over my schedule.
Proverbs 19:21 – “Many are the plans in the mind of a man, but it is the purpose of the Lord that will stand.”
Therefore, it is not my time, it is the Lord’s.
P.S. I finally got around to doing a tour of our home this month. Enjoy!
