Let me prelude this post by saying that I have no idea what I’m going to blog about. We will see where this is going. Normally, I blog about something that I have been thinking about. I’ve practiced in my head things that I would like to say. I have no words right now.
There is so much in my head right now. So much.
God is doing so much. I am struggling so much. I am praying so much. I am hearing so much. But I’m also questioning so much.
I am weak. We are weak. God is strong. A lot of us hear this all the time, but it is so true. So true. God is shown strong in our weakness. Because, in those times that we are weak and can’t do something by ourselves- we lose our job and struggle with finances, we have a loved one become ill, we lose our place to live- that is when our dependence is on God- that is when we really look for God in our lives- that is when we are most open to the working of God.
And, I just realized right now, as I am writing this, that that is what I am learning! Oh my goodness, the lightbulb just came on! I know what I am trying to say- rather what God is saying.
At the very start of me going on this mission trip- before I signed up- before I was even considering the World Race- I prayed that God would do what He needed to do, to take my ‘things’ away from me- whatever necessary- to put me in a place where I am supposed to be. Where I am in the relationship with God that I need to be.
I prayed that because the pastor at the church I go to had kept on saying that sometimes people need to lose everything to have the best relationship with God that they ever had. So, that is what I prayed for. My best relationship with Jesus ever. Right after that I got let go from my accounting job, kicked out of my house and then let go from my serving job.
Haha- man, God is hilarious- I’m kind of laughing right now. Because that is what I tell people all. the. time. Annnd I just realized that is what I prayed for! My best relationship with Jesus ever.
Okay, so I am absolutely not saying that I have a perfect relationship with God. I argue with my brothers and sisters, I yell at my mom, sometimes I just do what I wanna do, and I complain to God. BUT, at this time in my life I absolutely have THE BEST relationship with God that I have EVER had in my life!
I’ve had people tell me that since I didn’t make the first deadline (which, I’m still $800 short- if you would like to support me financially, that would be SO awesome!! click the ‘support me’ link at the top ^) God obviously doesn’t want me to go on the World Race. If God wanted me to go, He would have met my deadline. (Wait. Whoa. Hold up. Since when does God have a deadline??) I have to say- I just tried for like 5 minutes straight to make that sentence in the parenthesis ^ have small font like the one above it ^^ I couldn’t make it small! Lol, I guess God wants it to stick out. I’ll make it bold. There.
Over the past couple of days, I have cried out to God several times- asking why He would not have met my deadline- which, remember, God has no deadlines- when I KNOW that He wants me to go in September. I just realized that He is still showing Himself strong in my weakness. He is still strengthening my relationship with Him, making it better and better. I am hearing God more and more- I have more and more faith- I have more and more hope. In my weakness, He is strong!!
God has given me peace about the World Race. God has called me to the World Race. I am going on the World Race in September.
<3 Ash
