From month 3 in Costa Rica, i found out i had the opportunity to go home to attend my sisters wedding at the end of month 5. I don’t know why it threw me off, but i believe it’s because i came into this 11 month journey thinking i wasn’t going to see anyone for 11 months, and now here I was going home half way through this thing. I thought it was going to be pretty challenging actually. I mean i was excited to go, but that also meant seeing everything I left to come on this thing. So would it make me miss home, miss community, miss people, miss family? I knew it was what I wanted to do, to love my sister and be there for her to celebrate with her and my family, but would if affect my race.
The end of May came around and I left Guatemala early. Flew i to LAX and there comes my younger sister to pick me up!!……and it felt like I never left. It felt like I was JUST home. YES I have been to all of these amazing places, but how come it wasn’t weird going into America again, like i’ve heard so many people talk about? Get it i wasn’t done with the race quite yet, I was only half way through, but still…shouldn’t it have been more…more of what i don’t know. Was I not being “fully there?” Was I talking to people back home more often then i should…although I rarely talk to them because I’m bad at communicating anyways haha. Was i not being challenged where i was , therefore didn’t change enough, so coming home wasn’t that big of deal? I didn’t know…but I was home for 5 days so maybe seeing more friends, or maybe seeing the comfort of my own bed and clothes, or maybe tangibly seeing what i left would put things more into perspective. But it didn’t. I mean I still put toilet paper into the trash can, that was weird, but nothing too crazy.
While at home I went to a few worship nights, saw my friends and family. People that have been moved were randomly visiting home, so i got to see them, went to church and got to see that community, got to see all the kids i love and do miss, but still nothing seemed “different” or hit me in any particular way.
My friends took me to LAX to meet up with my squad who flew in from Guatemala before we were off to Thailand. Said see you later and I was on my way.
Meeting back up with my squad, i was asked the questions “How was home?” “Was it weird being home?” “Was it hard to leave again?” Did you enjoy being home?” Rightfully so…i mean, its not a usual thing to go home in the middle of the race and return again.
I honestly didn’t know how to answer those questions. my initial response was good and no. Home was good and did i enjoy it, yes. Was it weird, hard, and did i enjoy it, no.
I honestly felt like I had left home, to go visit what was once home. well thats odd. These places aren’t the easiest places to live even for a month at a time. They definitely aren’t the most comfortable. They aren’t where i feel the safest, and lets be honest community here is challenging and doesn’t come as natural as it does at church. But i felt like i was living normal life.
I chose to pray more into it and ask the Lord why it wasn’t the way i expected and why it wasn’t what everyone made it out to be. And the response I got was the truth that He is our reality. That when we begin to live life walking in His ways, listening to His voice, obeying His voice, it almost doesn’t matter where you are or what you are doing, because its in HIM that we find life.
“For in HIM we live and move and have our being”
– acts 17:28 –
I believe normal is not what we make it out to be. It not home. Its not comfort. its not being surrounded by people that you like just because they are like you. I found that normal is everything but that. That normal to me is experiencing LIFE that is truly life. It’s seeing new glimpses of His heart and HIs love for his children NOT because I’m in another country, but because i choose to walk with Him . It wasn’t different going home
…because when we live IN Him we begin to live the life He has for us, despite where we are or what we are doing…
