Five years ago, I had my entire life planned out.
At this time, five years ago, I thought I would be celebrating two months of marriage to Brian, starting my second semester of graduate school (in music, of course), and enjoying a nice, quiet, non-eventful, unchallenged life.
Praise Him from whom all blessings flow.
Today, I am 22, single, receiver of a Bachelor's degree (in English Literature.), and I am in the middle of a beautiful, loud, gut-checking, soul searching journey with the Lord.
Sometimes, I feel terrible when I begin to question the Lord. Having been in church my entire life, I have always heard "just trust Him. He will make a way. Just be still and listen to His voice, it'll come."
I was never good at this.
I am still not.
However, recently, I have been simultaneously reading several different parts of the bible a day.
I have come to one unalterable conclusion: everyone else is a hot mess too.
Let's take the Psalms for example. You read one and it is the most beautiful, uplifting, incredible song lifting up the praises and goodness of the Lord. I used to read them and think "Man, if I am going to be a writer, I need to lower my standards, because there is NO way I will ever be near enough to the Lord to write something so beautiful and mean it."
Then, like a breath of fresh air, I have recently been paying more attention to the big picture. If close attention is paid, one is able to see that most of the immediate next psalms are ones of lament, unrest, and desperation. PRAISE THE LAMB. It isn't just me!
All throughout, I have been noticing this trend in the bible. Just recently I was reading the account of Jesus feeding the five thousand and what struck me is that immediately after he fed FIVE THOUSAND people with a menial amount of supplies, the DISCIPLES became "terrified" when he walked across the water to their boat. Let's not even start with the whole falling ASLEEP in the garden episode… The point is, even his closest followers slipped, and questioned, and kept on seeking.
I say all of that to say this, if the Lord has been faithful through every single second and moment of my life, who am I to question his voice as I hear it now?!
In the middle of my little storm of a life, he has made his will and voice clear.
The World Race is exactly what he has for me.
I did not misjudge that, of this I am sure.
However, my timing was about 14 months off.
Deep down to my very bones, I can tell that July is not the right time for me to go. It is not out of fear, or disbelief towards July, for I know that He would provide were it his plan. Rather it is out of joy, and jubilation for January that my heart has begun to sing His praise and brilliance.
I do not know what the routes are for January. I have no idea what I am going to do with my life for the next year. I have no idea whether AIM is even going to be on board for this major shift and change. However, I have no doubt about the peace within me and the assurance given to those who have been in prayer for me.
So, dear friends, please join me: in praying for the money and the preparation, praising the unknown, and blessing the One who guides this crazy path I am on.
