In case you've ever wondered just exactly who is "to blame" for this intense journey around the globe I've been on for the past 10 months, all fingers point in one direction! (Well, technically they point at God.) But He very craftily and methodically used my VBFF Charlee to seal the deal. Our eight years (man we're getting old!) of friendship have seen both of use do plently of jet-setting all over the world, but with an incredible amount of favor from the Lord and fair bit of effort on both our parts, we've somehow managed to continue tightening a remarkable bond that neither of us are willing to give up on. The Race hasn't always been an easy season for our friendship, but I wouldn't trade everything we've gained through the process! Who better to advise loved ones of future World Racers on how to maintain a best friendship for the ages?
Thanks for sticking with me, Goose! I can't wait to hug you in just a few weeks!
<3, Chilla
“If you go looking for a friend, you’re going to find they’re scarce. If you go out to be a friend, you’ll find them everywhere.”
~ Zig Ziglar
So you’re very best friend forever wants to do this World Race thing? What’s it all about? What should you expect? How can you prepare? Why are they doing this? What will they be doing? What will you do? I can’t answer the myriad of questions that will surface in your mind, but I can share a little bit about the journey Ashlee and I have embraced over the past year and few months since she decided to take part in the World Race.
I’ll be honest (don’t you hate it when people say that, like they’re usually lying to you?), I’m not the touchy-feely-lovey-dovey kind of best friend. I’m the I-want-the-best-for-you and if you need a shoulder to cry on, I’ll give you 5 minutes, and then I want your nose back on the grindstone of creating the You-That-You-Want-To-Be kind of friend. As one of my dearest friends once said, “You’ve really got to want to be Charlee’s friend”. What I’m saying is that I’m a tough friend to have in person, and I’m REALLY hard to be very-best-friends-forever with from a mud-hut in the middle of nowhere. I’m certainly blessed that I have my very own Saint-in-Training for a VBFF.
When I sent Ashlee the link to learn more about World Race (sorry Tammy!), I knew she needed something to sink her teeth into. What I didn’t know was that I was signing up for the Race, too. During this journey, we’ve enjoyed inside jokes from thousands of miles away, traded travel tips, cried, challenged one another, made one another so mad we couldn’t speak, made each others day, grown apart, and grown back together with our bond that cannot be broken. Ash is my person, and I’m hers, and this whole Race thing only served to bring ChillaGoose Inc. closer!
“The most beautiful discovery true friends make is that they can grow separately without growing apart.”
~ Elizabeth Foley
Be a part of the prep!
Ever tried to raise thousands of dollars? It’s fun/hard/tiring/self-defining/riddled with smiles and less than smiles/etc./etc. It’s also much better when done with the full support of your close circle. Ever tried to pack everything you’ll need for a year into a pack? Not. A. Piece. Of. Cake. Make lists. Cull said lists. Make suggestions. Make them a friendship bracelet (no gifting kitchen sinks this year). Ever tried to say goodbye to family and friends (some for forever, which is something you both may need to consider and talk about in advance so you can provide needed support) and then embark on a yearlong journey? Again, not an easy task. Be as available and present as possible. It might seem obvious, but when you are faced with ‘losing’ your best friend for a year, it is really easy to close down and try to ‘protect’ yourself from the loss you’re about to endure. Ever tried to embark on a ‘find yourself’ kind of expedition? You’re changing, your surroundings are definitely changing, your priorities are morphing, and some days you don’t know which end is up. This is when you really need your people.
This ‘ain’t gunna’ be all rainbows and butterflies.
It’s really hard to leave America behind. Really. There is a reason we’re the apple of the world’s eye. We’ve got this awesome life thing down. And leaving all of that behind (to say nothing of leaving your family, friends, church, hobbies, etc. behind) is not a walk in the park. Understand that your VBFF is going to have an adjustment period. At least 11 of them to be exact. Embrace them. Each country will present its own joys and discomforts. Ants are going to chew through everything your friend owns. They might get mugged on a subway and lose their phone/passport/photo of you/laminated lucky four leaf clover/prized autographed Miley Cyrus tank top. They might battle intestinal misfortunate you cannot fathom. They will very likely have a complete and utter meltdown at some point. Listen. Lighten the mood. Love.
Help them stay on track.
When living abroad, it is easy to get tunnel vision and lose sight of ones original purpose. You know your VBFF better than anyone else; be honest with them and help them keep sight of their goal(s). Talk with them about what their goals for the Race are, understand that they’ll probably change course, but work to help them keep sight of the prize and continue working forward. When they are having tough months, or just tough days, being reminded of why they set out on this Race will no doubt help them to keep advancing.
Have fun, too! Live vicariously! Keep them humble!
It’s kind of like the Olympics; one man is running the race but the whole country is behind them benefitting. Don’t forget that you can get a lot out of this nifty little Race, too. Send them off with a flat Stanley (or something similar). Make them a global scavenger hunt (just be realistic about items/pictures you want them to get; also keep in mind that it’s frowned upon to get your Racer arrested on foreign soil!). You’re going to miss your bestie (A LOT!), do what you can to keep sane and conjure up happy, crazy, zany shenanigans from your past and work to make memories WITH them this year.
Even though they aren’t with you physically, it’s totally healthy to keep thinking of them wherever you are. I have a pile of souvenirs and other sundries I have collected in my own travels this year waiting for Little Miss Sassafras to collect. I did various things to keep our dynamic rolling, too. You know yourselves; keep it ‘you’.
A cold prickly of this process is that it’s easy when you are the one away from your ‘life’ to get a bit centered (read: self-centered). Don’t be afraid to point this out with your bestie. I’ve heard this complaint of several friends (disclaimer: I’m not saying Ash was part of this contingent!) of various Racers. It might happen to you, too. Don’t let it sidetrack your friendship. Name it. Learn from it. Move on.
You can’t have a How-To-esque blog without a requisite countdown, so here ya go:
10 Things to Help your World Racer on their Journey
10. Don’t let them spend too much time on Skype/email/Facebook. Maintain contact but remind them that they’ve gone abroad for a reason! Talk openly about homesickness. It’s real. It shouldn’t be ignored. Be active about helping your Racer move past it so they can run their Race with endurance.
9. Realize in advance that they are likely to have some intense and varied medical situations crop up. They are very unlikely to be life threatening, but they may need your support, your google skills, and possibly even for you to call a pharmacist or doctor friend to get some advice. Don’t. Freak. Out. Humans are tough; our bodies can, in fact, handle infections in Africa just like they do in America. Sprained ankles will heal south of the equator, too. That said, if your Racer is particularly stubborn (Ashlee, this is you!), sometimes you have to say, “Get your little tush to the medical center, NOW!”
8. Find a way to maintain something ‘usual’ about your friendship. Ash and I love sharing Katt Williams quotes. It’s our thing. Don’t judge. 🙂
7. Push your friend outside their comfort zone. You will very likely notice if they seem to be in a rut; help push them out and onward! Make them tell you stories; it will aid them in processing all they are journeying through. Encourage them to do things for which they are terrified. Heck, make yourself do the same this year!
6. Talk to them about their (and your goals) before, during, and after the Race.
5. Be prepared to take care of a few little administrative things for them. Her credit card might expire while on the Race. That means any and every thing she had auto-drafted off that is going to require re-entry of card numbers/expiration dates. Subscriptions might lapse. Help your friend out, and only have a little fun with their Facebook page when you get their standard password for everything and now have control over their whole world. She might be applying to jobs pre-reentry. Or she might deny the inevitable and fail to plan for re-entry. Help her get leads. Everything is much harder from Timbuktu.
4. If you notice your friend is having trouble with something, find ways to support them. Language boundaries bothering them? Send them a ‘100 words summary’ from the local language. Homesickness gettin’ ‘em down? Email her a funny video of you trying to lick your elbow. This year it really is about the little things. Small gestures go far.
3. Carry on with your friendship. Continue to build it, challenge it, grow it. It is not going to remain static for a year and then pick up where it left off. You will be different. Your Racer will be different. Understand and appreciate this so that you don’t wake up in 11 months and wonder how things changed overnight (fact: they didn’t).
2. Prepare for the various stages of the Race and understand that you too will be going through some serious transitions. Read up on culture shock and reverse culture shock. Help your Racer through these stages. Encourage their growth. Be their biggest champion.
1. Love your Racer. Laugh with them. Surprise them. Cry with them. Tease them. Hurt with them. Skype with them. Challenge them. Amuse them. Listen to them. BE with them. Even when you’re not.
“The great difference between voyages rests not in ships but in the people you meet on them.”
~ Amelia Barr
Your friendship doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s, maybe all the advice you receive about this race will be useless, maybe it’ll all ring true, but at the end of the day, you know your bestie, and your gut is probably the best thing to follow. Just resist the temptation to be too selfish and beg them to come back (or not to go in the first place). Once their Race is over, you’ll have a lifetime to enjoy the cool new/old person that is your VBFF.
Be Blessed,
ChillaGoose
