Do you ever get the feeling that we live life on a timer?
Before we are even born, there is a count down to our date of arrival, and from then on it seems like every moment in life is generically scheduled to meet societal expectations. Parents and grandparents brag about a child who walks by nine months old and fret over one who doesn’t speak plainly by the toddler phase. Community members take note when children show sports prodigy potential by age five, but church members doubt the sincerity of a child who says she’s accepted salvation at age seven. If you’ve not completed puberty by 13 or 14, there is “probably a medical issue” and if you don’t know what you want to do with the rest of your life by the time you graduate high school, you are “wasting your time and money.” These stereotypical judgments seem silly to anyone besides me?
If any of the above expectations are realistic then I’ve met a few, exceeded one or two and completely missed the boat on occasion. My most serious offense, however, I’m still committing on a daily basis. You see:
- I’m 23 years old.
- I changed majors once during my college career.
- I spent every summer (and most semesters) of that college career working.
- I’ve earned a Bachelors of Science in Agriculture, emphasizing in Communications and Public Relations.
- I landed a full-time job in the Agriculture Industry, straight out of college.
- My first apartment was MY responsibility, as were my medical bills, my travel expenses, my groceries, my entertainment (you get the idea) and I’ve never been late on a payment.
- It’s always been important to me to be involved in community outreach projects, to stay close to my family and to insure that my friends know they can count on me anytime they need.
So what is it that I am doing wrong?
I’M NOT MARRIED! (Nor am I moving swiftly in that direction.)
I sometimes laugh at how often I’m asked, “Are you dating anyone special?” or questioned, “Has anyone caught your eye lately?” I’ve even had one Church deacon wish me, “Merry Christmas, and may you be married by next Christmas!” (That was a couple years ago, so clearly, he and Santa aren’t very tight.) Typically, I’ll respond with a respectful, “No, but if you know someone send them my way,” however, lately I’ve preferred, “Are you kidding!?!? ‘I’m going to be gone for the next year’ isn’t exactly a pick-up line!” 😉
Most of the time I’m good-natured about the inquiries. I know people are generally just curious and for them, this is an easy way to make conversation. If I’m honest, though, the subject really does matter to me.
In 1 Corinthians 7, Paul spends ample time explaining that in his opinion, it’s best not to marry. Remaining single allows us to fully focus on God, whereas if we do enter a relationship with someone, we are concerned with pleasing them and sometimes allow those desires to override our desire to please God. Paul goes on to explain that we are human, and thus we are immoral, so to quote 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, “Now to the unmarried and the widows, I say: It is good for them stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
You’ve gotta love how Paul just puts it out there! In essence, he explains that marriage is a serious matter. It’s meant to be a devoted state between two people that is not to be broken. Your body becomes your mates’, and their body becomes yours. There are FEW instances where breaking a marriage is biblically valid. So, it’s not something to be taken lightly!
And it’s not a subject I take lightly, at all! So it’s honestly a little bit hurtful when people question why I’m not randomly dating someone or insinuate that I’m less valuable simply because I’ve chosen to remain single. It’s even more hurtful when, like recently, I learned that people in my hometown had spread a rumor that I am only going on The World Race because I’m a lesbian, and I’m too ashamed to tell my family, so this is 11 months of escape.
Yeah, that one stung a lot, actually.
Bottom line, I’m a young woman who has proven fully capable of taking care of myself, who loves my friends and family very much, who feels like I understand God’s direction for my life, who likes my independence but is certainly willing to give it up for the right man. Like most girls, I’ve dreamed about meeting My Prince Charming for a long, long, long time, but it is important to me that whomever I eventually date/marry is as sold out for God as I, likewise, hope to be. I want my marriage to be a once-and-for-all affair, and I want to be assured that whomever I spent 40, 50, 60 or more years with on Earth will also be there to hold my hand in Heaven. It’s important to me to find THE ONE, and I wholeheartedly trust that God has THAT ONE already planned; granted, if MY ONE is tall, dark, handsome and rich, those are just added perks that I will have to learn to accept. 😉 Call me picky, but I’m willing to wait. In the meantime, God is spoiling me rotten!
One of my favorite quotes reads:
“A woman’s heart should be so lost in God that a man has to seek Him in order to find her.”
I’m working daily on my part in that equation.
Prayers for this will be appreciated. All timers and expectations will be ignored.
Be Blessed,
Ashlee
