2/27/13
“She is clothed in dignity and strength; she laughs at the days to come.” –Proverbs 31:25
I woke up this morning in a tent, pitched inside a church, butted next to 20 or so more just like it, most of them shared between two J Squaders in order to save floor space. My tent-mate, Racheal (God, bless her generous heart, since I’m no longer carrying my tent across the world!), and I silently began deflating our sleeping mats and stuffing the last of our possessions into our packs. Today we are off to Malawi, where we will first have our third of five “Debriefs” –aka, basically Squad Revival after a few months of ministry- and then where we will spend Month Seven of this wild and crazy trek for Jesus!
Ready to face the day – including 21 hours on a bus and a rush to beat closing time at the border crossing – I grabbed my necessities and headed for the bathroom (mind you, our bathroom was a good 100 yards away.) Toothbrush? Check. Toilet paper? Check. Flip flops? Check. Hair ties? Oh wait.
I couldn’t help laughing at myself, realizing I’d already gone through an entire fifteen minutes of my morning routine without remembering one fairly monumental detail from the day before that renders my impressive stash of hair ties basically useless…
… I chopped off all of my hair.
If you’ve read some of my previous blogs, you know that shaving my head has been a consideration since before The World Race even truly began. What I didn’t realize until now was that when I signed on for this mission adventure, I made a covenant with God. Little did I know, this experience would absolutely wreck so much of me, would change my views on so many aspects of religion and Faith, and would basically serve as God’s tool to create a newness in me that I wasn’t even aware I wanted. Because I said yes to Him in coming on this journey, He is wiping away every fear I’ve ever had.
Throughout the past six months, I’ve learned to walk in boldness, truly owning the authority I have as a child of God. For years, I’ve sought my “identity” from every possibly source you can imagine – education/knowledge, FFA or sports successes, my friends opinions of me, my family’s social status, my talents in writing or my career potential, just to name a few. Somewhere, though, amidst a gajillion miles traveled, a handful of incredible friendships formed, countless sweet moments with essential strangers, innumerable occasions of God showing up time and time again, and an immeasurable amount of grace that I certainly don’t deserve, He has shown me that there is no more to my identity than the simple fact that I Am His.
Admittedly, that is fact that can take a while to sink in. There are still plenty of days when I don’t remember, and in those instances, it can be easy to get swept up in life. Concerns about my future, frustrations over not knowing exactly what I’ll do after The Race, worries over how family or friends will react to “the new me,” questions about how people I meet will judge me… all of these can attack the security that I KNOW I always have, no matter what.
I Am His. Plain and simple. And because I know that, most days I am able to walk in full confidence. I don’t have to fear tomorrow. There is no mountain that I can’t surpass, because I’m BFF with the One who made every single peak! I know who I am, and that is worth celebrating. I’m undignified. I’m bold. I’m, perhaps, a little bit extreme. And I am FEARLESS!
“And I don’t know how it gets better than this, You take my hand and drag me head first, Fearless! And I don’t know why, but with You I’d dance in a storm in my best dress, Fearless!” –tweaked, but basically from Taylor Swift’s “Fearless”
Be Blessed, and Be Fearless, too!
-Ashlee
***Sidenote, I absolutely love the new hairdo and I’ve been rocking the “Rosie Riveter” look pretty hard! I’m a heck of a lot cooler (a true delight in Africa) and I’m saving so much money on hair product!!! Celebrate the little things…
