I typically start with journaling my prayers for a while, then journaling about things going on in this crazy life, then read my bible for a bit, turn on my kindle and read my devo and some other book depending on my mood. I start to draw and doodle when I’m really bored.
I got to the portion of the sermon where I start reading my daily devo. Then this verse hit me.
“Therefore lift your drooping hands and strengthen your weak knees, and make straight paths for your feet, so that what is lame may not be put out of joint but rather be healed.” Hebrews 12:12-13.
You know when that moment happens, you read a verse, and boom, you think to yourself, geez this is gonna convict me. The devotion continued on…
“This verse is God’s word of encouragement to us to lift the hands of faith and to fortify the knees of prayer. All to often our faith becomes tired, weak, and listless, and our prayers lose their power and effectiveness.”
I thought to myself, “shoot, does that mean those prayers I journaled about a couple minuets ago aren’t effective? I’m running out of journal pages…” There I was, month 9, becoming tired, weak, and listless. I mean I didn’t want to be in that place of feeling discouraged and drained. I didn’t want to even admit that I was in a place of feeling discouraged because to me, admitting it would mean that I’ve failed in some small way. No one wants to be in that place of feeling exhausted and negative, I sure didn’t. But that is where I found myself, continuing to be convicted that I needed encouragement.
But it gets better. I knew it would. The devotion continues on saying,
“The Lord is pointing out to us that when we become so discouraged and fearful that even one little obstacle depresses and frightens us, we are tempted to walk around it. We would rather take the easy way than face it.”
There it was, plain for me to see. I have been walking around the things I’ve needed to face. I’ve been starting to feel discouraged and drained because I haven’t been honest with where I was at. I didn’t think to ask for help with my drooping hands and strength in my weak knees because somehow in my little head I thought it would be better to walk around my issues. I didn’t think to ask for healing because I was to scared to admit that I needed healing for something as lame as my bad attitude and negative thinking. I was scared to make the sacrifice to plow through the hard things. I was lacking the courage to face some hard emotions.
But it didn’t stop there. Over the past couple of months I have faced some pretty difficult situations and was too tired to really pray through them. Too tired to face the conflicting emotions too drained to voice my hurting emotions. I thought that if I walked around one issue it would go away, but then found myself walking around another issue, then another issue then another. All the while I was keeping things in. I was admitting where I was at, I wasn’t admitting what I was facing, I wasn’t sharing how I was hurting.
There I was, in the middle of that church, reading my devo, realizing I needed to allow myself to be healed, to be strengthened by our loving God. I didn’t need to keep walking out of joint but rather be healed. I needed to face where I was at. I didn’t have to keep walking in discouragement. I could be healed and start to walk in the Lord’s enduring strength.
James 5:16 says, “Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”
God desires us to face our fears, face our emotions, and face what we are walking through with honesty so that we may ask for his abundant grace and love.
In Proverbs 4:26 it also says, “Ponder the path of your feet; then all your ways will be sure.”
It is going to take some honest and diligent prayers, the strength to face hard emotions, and some grace from those around me but I’m committing to not walk around these issues discouraging me and believe in the healing that comes from the Lord.
And that is honestly where I am at and what I am learning right now, June 26th, in Uganda, Africa.
Love,
ASH
