I was blindsided when “porn” became a part of my vocabulary.
I was 21 and of course knew what porn was, but I didn’t ever think it would affect me the way it did.
Porn was something dirty, something I never thought twice about — and of course never ever talked about. I knew guys struggled with it, but not the guys I knew at church, not the guys that were involved in leading worship, and definitely not the guy I was dating.
I was wrong.
I was devastated when the deep dark secret found its way to the surface of my relationship. I wasn’t the struggling with porn — I barely knew what it was — but it affected me. I was hurt beyond measure and could not grasp how easily this sin grabs a hold of someone.
So I began to read.
I read that the average boy is exposed to porn by the time he is 11.
More than 70 percent of men from 18 to 34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month.
57 percent of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation.
I became aware of shocking statistics {here}
I also read things like {Porn Again},
(which is an AMAZING e-book you can read online for FREE!)
and Covenant Eyes PDF report found {here}.
Then I began to think: If this is such a big issue, why aren’t more guys talking about this and being honest with each other?!
Now you are thinking, “Ash, you aren’t a guy, so leave that to us guys to talk about.”
But what if us as women weren’t afraid to ask about it? What if we shared how we felt about it? What if we encouraged our men to know that it is okay to ask for help before it becomes a dangerous addition? What if we prayed more for the men in our lives to be protected from this hurtful sin?
So here is the point.
Dear brothers near and far away:
To those that have been blessed with not struggling though this type of sin, my prayer is that you never do. My prayer is that you walk strongly in the Lord and continue to have him reign in your heart. I pray that you walk honorably and humbly, not letting temptation overcome you.
To those that have struggled with porn in the
past, be honest and open up to the guys around you. Be an encourager and help promote accountability. Help others know they are not alone!
To those struggling, my prayer is that you start by being honest with yourself about your struggles with this dangerous sin. If you just want to change the behavior you will lose the battle every time. The change needs to come from your heart.
I pray that you can see how dangerous it is to keep this a secret, because that is how Satan wins. He wants you to think you are alone, but that is a lie from the pit of hell.
Know that it does hurt us as girls and, most importantly, it hurts your wife. The danger is that you desire unrealistic expectations. Without noticing it, you put those expectations on women. You expect women to perform at a level that isn’t real. You expect us to look like women who have been altered by surgery and implants.
And that is where it hits home.
Porn doesn’t just affect you, it affects your walk with the Lord. It even affects the women around you (1 Cor. 6:15-20). My world was rocked when I found out my fiance was struggling with porn. I felt like I wasn’t worth waiting for. I felt like I wasn’t enough. I felt like I wasn’t good enough to be desired. I felt like there would be no way to compete with something I should never have to compete with. Through the years God has brought a lot of redemption {read more about that here}. I have such a heart for guys who struggle with porn. I know that that now I can approach this subject from a place of love and prayer instead of hate and judgment.
My prayer is that we can bring more awareness to such a secretive yet powerful sin so many guys our age struggle with. That you can hear from a women’s heart how hurtful and dangerous porn really is.
My prayer is that you, my dear brothers, will be men after God’s own heart. I pray that you would be in the world but not of the world — that you would strive to be real men who treat all women with care and respect as your sisters.
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a
girl.”
- Job 31:1
Love,
Ash
*Disclaimer*
*Sin is sin, and no guy or girl is too holy
to fall victim to porn and its dangerous addiction. I am fully aware guys and
girls both struggle with porn. However, due to the nature of what I have walked
through, I feel led to address the guys on this subject.*
