…To finish up our 3 months in Africa, before we departed for Asia, we had a few days of debrief in Nelspruit, South Africa, where we met up with our coaches. Debrief is usually a good time of reflection and ‘rest’; physically, emotionally and spiritually. Sometimes the spiritual gets left behind a tad, but that’s another blog all together.
Anyway, to get right to the point, something obvious in the relationships I have is this act of withdrawal that takes place when certain interactions with my peers, family or friends don’t pan out as I imagine should. Although only recently have I been challenged to address this issue, it has built an excitement in me that speaks to the opportunity for a new level of growth.
You see, I too notice this pattern where I tend to withdraw as it pertains to different situations. Sometimes I see it as me just being tired and not in the ‘act the fool’ type personality frame of mind, which I occasionally tend to adorn…which in a lot of cases I think is legit. Some days I just want to be chill and I feel like to do any more, to give a bigger laugh or anything more than a good smile that acknowledges my awareness, if nothing more than to say “I hear you”, would be me being fake, not real, and only trying to please.
With that in mind though, it does beg to suggest…is this likewise the case when I am fully walking in that laugh out loud, be crazy ‘act the fool’ type personality. Am I being fake or just being social, being me in a different light?
Sorry, I digress…but yea, I see this pattern as well, and unfortunately have left it primarily unaddressed until now. I have my excuses/theories on why; I’ll keep them as mine for now…But there is an excitement that is welling up within me for the opportunity it presents to growth in me and in my relationships. It was brought up during my team’s debrief with our squad leaders and coaches and although not necessarily running from it, it was put right in front of me…again, to be confronted. And for the first time, probably ever, I believe I got some type of insight into me acting out this way.
You see, I was blessed to get rebuked, boldly and in Love. The message? At the core of this my unaddressed withdrawal is PRIDE. Unfortunately, I don’t remember all that was said as I got rebuked, my brain just does not seem to retain information very well in that manner. Nonetheless, the gist of it all is something along the lines of me being TRUTH based (still need to completely wrap my head around that…I guess I still have a few questions for Tom) but the idea that sometimes I might know something or know what TRUTH should look like in a particular situation and when it does not go down that way, how I react or don’t react says a whole lot.
To react by withdrawing and no longer addressing the situation/person, as almost to say this is/you are not worth my time, or maybe even un-forgiveness, displays an attitude and heart of pride. Even more, on the other end, rather than withdrawing, to lash out with harsh words, even when speaking TRUTH, displays an attitude and a heart of pride as well.
As I continually give this to the Lord, watching in amazement how he transforms and shapes me even more into his likeness, I hope you would continue to keep me in your prayers. This is one of the many new things God is working in me, and I am EXCITED!!
So yea, not sure how my title applies to what I just wrote. The original idea as the title suggests, was to talk about this idea of me not willing to submit, or just having a general problem with submitting to female authority. It is a conversation that has come up as it has applied to some of the teams I have been on. I do not quite agree with the notion of me having this issue, again I have my thoughts, but it’s a question that is on the table and your thoughts and insight are more than welcome.
Again, this is just one of the many ways I am continually being transformed into being Christ on Earth(pls ask me to explain if I need to), out of a life in community, one of interdependency, wrapped around and perfected in Christ and his example. All made very possible by your obedience, love, prayers and generous support.
I am almost fully funded, although still in need of a little over $1000 to reach my goal, and a little more for my return trip back home once in the US. If you would like to support me for any amount, please click on the support me link on the left pane.
Also a teammate of mine Erin Neufeld is still in need of support, see her page by clicking on her name and click on her support me link. It will be a real blessing to help her finish up this race.
p.s really wanted to throw some pics on here but unfortunately, time does not permit me….this has to be a quick post.
