“Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:9-11 ESV
It’s Christmas as I am writing this and as I was opening gifts this morning I was reminded of Christmases past and the excitement and anticipation I would have about gifts. I would usually have some sort of list or subtly let my parents know things that I wanted (I was too cool for Santa). Christmas morning would come, I would open all my gifts, and the excitement and joy that was welling up inside me would always burst forth with smiles, squeals and very enthusiastic and high pitched “YAY”s. I would be grateful and happy about all my gifts and would quickly then get to dressing up my Barbie’s ( in the cutest outfits of course) or teaching my Furby tricks…you know the important stuff. That was all there was to it. Ask, receive, enjoy… it was pure.
More recent Christmases however I have found my mostly (key word mostly) adult mind receiving Christmas gifts in an entirely different manner. I’m still beyond grateful, but now I begin to think about how much the gifts I get cost the giver or other not so fun practicalities that come with age I guess. I’ve even found myself hesitant to even want to receive the gifts at times. Once my mind kicks in and knowledge of prices or other realities come up I question the gift or my worthiness of the gift.
I began to wonder why this was.
As Christian’s we place a lot of emphasis on giving, and rightly so. It is a concept found all throughout scripture. “It is more blessed to give than receive” is a verse I’ve always related to and I love to give; it’s one of my love languages.
But what about receiving?
The past few months have been quite a learning experience for way too many reasons to go into but one reoccurring lesson has been in that. I’ve had to re -learn how to receive like that child who accepted gifts with open arms on Christmas mornings.
Through fundraising and preparing for this trip I have had no choice but to work on this and it’s been incredible. I am so used to just getting things on my own I’ve never really thought twice about what I would do or how it would feel if I couldn’t do something myself to get what I needed. With age and independence we lose that NEED to receive and be provided for. Also, the more aware we are of what we as humans are capable of doing the more we take credit for things. We become pretty self sufficient (or so we think) and with that we lose sight of the true heart of God.
We lose sight of His goodness.
It’s no surprise that Jesus himself says that we must become like children. “He called a little child to him, and placed the child among them. And he said: “Truly I tell you, unless you change and become like little children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”Matthew 18:2-3 NIV
To have faith like a child means so much more than just believing in God, I’m realizing it also applies to how we view God.
I hadn’t realized how much of the truth of God’s heart I had allowed myself to be robbed of. It’s as if with knowledge and age they were just drowned out. It’s not surprising though, it’s easy to take advantage of having blessed lives and forget where the blessings come from.
It’s as if I began to imagine God as tight fisted, not WANTING to give us things, when in reality He has been there all along with open hands wanting to bless us.
He is our good good father (queue song), that WANTS to give us things.
Just like my parents wanted to give me things I wanted and asked for.
Just like I love to give my loved ones gifts, not even thinking about the price.
Just like I love to spoil my dog child and the (don’t judge…). He WANTS to give us things.
It’s just a matter of asking and allowing.
The latter is the problem sometimes because it usually requires losing some control. This may look a little different for everyone but in my case and in this season it has involved taking a leap of faith and applying to be on this squad knowing that there was no way that I could raise the money for this trip on my own.
It’s put me back in a place of feeling like that helpless child who has no option but to rely on her parents , or in this case my heavenly Father . By creating a space for Him and giving up control of the situation, when the needs have come and been met I KNOW that it is Him. There is no question because there is literally no way I could have come up with money or made things happen like they have so far, on my own. Believe me I tried very hard at first, but that is another story entirely ;). It has almost all come in ways entirely outside of my control or plans … It’s like He just wanted to make sure I knew the source (I see you God).
From meeting complete strangers in random (aka God appointed) situations who would then want to donate to my trip, to friends showering me with help and support, to selling things on craigslist to fundraise and the people giving me extra, to having my gas tank literally filled outside of human logic (you can ask me about this one if you want to hear about it 😉 ) the Lord has screamed His presence into this season.
I have still struggled with wondering “why me” at times but I am so grateful and have been so blown away that my thoughts have been silenced with awe and wonder ( good job God) .I am so beyond grateful to have had this experience so far and to have a chance to rediscover that childlike wonder.
I pray that this is only the beginning
I was talking to my mom recently about my younger days. She reminded me that when I was little I would shamelessly tell strangers and all my little friends about Jesus and try to pray with them. It brought up a very specific memory I had completely forgotten about.
It was a fall day in Ohio and I was playing with one of my little friends in the backyard. We were jumping in the piles of freshly raked leaves and I just began telling her about Jesus and how He loves us and he died for us and next thing you know I was spitting out a prayer for her to recite and to ask him into her heart. The reason I still have this memory is because after this, the joy I remember having for my friend caused it to be embedded in my memory. After we prayed I proceeded to sprint into my house and tell my mom the good news and that we needed to have a party just like the angels in heaven were having! We then had virgin wine and some sort of other goodies and then we did just that, celebrated my friends salvation. I remember so clearly how exciting it was and the happiness I felt dancing and jumping around in the piles of leaves and drinking our virgin wine, knowing that Jesus had saved my friend.
That was the young and fearless Arlene. She would boldly proclaim the gospel to WHOEVER. She was going to grow up and be a missionary just like Amy Carmichael (I had done my research ya”ll).
She was lost for a little. The worlds pull and appeal can be strong, leading to mediocrity, stifling that child like faith inside of us, but it will never be stronger than God….or fulfilling enough. I am so grateful and thankful that the Lord doesn’t give up on us. That he never gave up on me… that He doesn’t settle for mediocre faith. That he has romanced my heart and awakened in me that childlike faith and joy.
I am praying that I would have that same childlike boldness and openness to be use by my Father in the months to come. That I would very soon, once again find myself dancing and rejoicing in celebration with others…..
I am going into this expecting everything from my God because I know that He is capable and I am ready to receive with arms wide open.
Get ready world.
He is coming for you.
** side note
If you have played any part in this journey with me I would like to say how beyond grateful I am for each and every one of you. THANK YOU from the bottom of my heart. Weather you knew it or not the Lord has used you in an incredible way and you are as much a part of this whole adventure as I am. I don’t feel worthy of all the love and support I have received but I am so incredibly thankful for it.
I have prayed and thanked God for each and every one of you, whatever your role. I LOVE YOU ALL.
