He must become greater; I must become less. ( John 30:3)
Since returning from training camp I have struggled to find the words to explain what happened during those 10 days. I wanted to try and paint the perfect picture of everything that happen. How God moved in my life and the life of the other 230 people there. How my squad laughed and cried together, how we spent all hours with each other, how we interceded for for each other and the journey before us, how we were broken, and then how we were strengthened in the Lord .I wanted to explain all the things that happened and how the Lord knitted my squads hearts together so that I can now say I have a family of 33 beautiful individuals spread across the entire United States ( and Canada ). That is proving to be difficult though , so instead I would like to zoom into one particular event with my words in order to more effectively zoom out.
It was 7 in the morning and freezing ( 40 degrees is freezing right ? ) and we were about to explore the Appalachian Mountains for the ” man hike”. This is a part of the World Race training camp where men going on the World Race are taken on a 18 mile, 2 day hike over a mountain on the Appalachian Trail in order to bond and have to “bro time” . However, for my squad , the Expedition squad ,women for the first time ever would be taken on the hike and then then our entire squad would spend an extra night there.
Personally, I was really excited for the experience. Georgia, to my surprise is breathtakingly gorgeous and although I may not look like it , I really do enjoy being outdoors and in nature. It excites me to be in the midst of what God created and has been unaltered by man. Bubbling with the idea of that inside of me and ready to be a part of the first group of females to be invited to do this, I was pumped and ready to take on this hike!!….. About 7 hours into it though with what was turning out to be mostly uphill climbs, my excitement began to slowly turn into something more along the lines of frustration.
I quickly became aware of a multitude of muscles I did not know could be sore as they throbbed under the weight of my pack. Also, I’m also not the most graceful person so going up and down inclines on uneven and rocky terrain I found myself stumbling and almost tripping pretty often, causing me to have to walk slower and fall behind most of the group. My clumsiness proved to be difficult for my ankles as well and eventually I began to experience pain with every step I took.
Frustrated with my lack of strength , my lack of control over the situation , and the pain my body was experiencing a mental battle began. I wanted to stop to rest. I wanted to stop and just enjoy the beautiful nature that surrounded me, but then I also wanted to not be be behind, which I already was. I wanted things I realized I could not have because we had to keep our pace in order to make it to camp before dark. I found myself frustrated and aware that l was losing my joy in the situation.
I remedied my frustrations by staring at the ground instead of the overwhelming inclines that never seemed to stop, I acquired a Gandalf looking walking stick ( thanks Wolfie 😉 ) to help keep my balance more, and I attempted to distract myself with conversation ( even that proved to be difficult though as I was short of breathe most of the time ( the struggle was real).
The second day was better as we had less miles to cover and got to take breaks more often.I finally got basque in the Glory of God in the nature that surrounded me which proved to be energizing. When we would be moving though my body would remind me that I was still struggling from the day before. My ankles and a few other things still ached with ever step, and by the end of it all I found myself frustrated again and feeling defeated as I thought about the way that being so physically strained had managed to overshadow my whole experience and rob me of full joy in the process.
THIS is what I had signed up for. How was I supposed to be the best version of myself for the sake of the Gospel when I am again physically challenged thousands of miles away in another country with no assurance of comfort or a break in sight. I consider myself an optimist and always try to see the best in situations, but now that my body was struggling that seemed to be all I could think about. My body and my spirit were not on the same page , and one was definitely outweighing the other.
In the days leading up to this hike a lot of spiritual pruning had occurred and lies of me not being good enough or prepared had been destroyed. I had found myself humbled before the Lord as He shared His purpose for me being with this group. Once again though ,thoughts of unpreparedness began to flood my head.
At the ,end of day two after setting up camp ,we were to go spend an hour with the Lord. Naturally , I let it all out. What was the lesson in this ? Why did this hit me so hard ? How am I supposed to do this God??! Maybe I’m not as ready as I thought!
“Why didn’t you ask” , I heard.
Why didn’t I ask ?!… I knew what this meant but I wanted more clarity.
Me and God have this thing set up where when I am struggling with something I will pretty much open my Bible at random and it never fails , that He will speak to me through what I read. I’m not sure if that is conventional or not, but thus is our relationship. Anyways, the breeze blew my pages to 2 Corinthians 1
Here I read this:
“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.
8 For we do not want you to be unaware, brothers,of the affliction we experienced in Asia. For we were so utterly burdened beyond our strength that we despaired of life itself. 9 Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 10 He delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. rOn him we have set our hope that he will deliver us again. 11 You also must help us by prayer, so that many will give thanks on our behalf for the blessing granted us through the prayers of many.”
BOOM. I think I heard a mic drop in the woods. I couldn’t help but laugh at this point because I realized how simple the solution could have been.
I had halfheartedly prayed for strength countless times as I was on the journey that was the “man hike”, but not once did I pray for help, for healing , not once did I turn to God and admit that I was hurting not once did I ask Him to comfort me .I had also blindly denied His hand in the form of my wonderful teammates ( or “brothers” e.g. above verse) along the way , who offered to share some of my weight from my backpack or switch me packs, I think I might have even turned down prayer at one point.
There I was among the trees, humbled and shaking my head at myself and realizing how foolish and prideful I had been. I am grateful to have learned this lesson now though. For what I am about to be embarking on with the World Race such a mindset will not due. There is no way I will be able to ” make it on my own”. Society teaches us this. We are brought up with these values. We are taught to be tough, to be independent , to “make a name for ourselves” . Asking for help is usually interpreted as weakness. It could all be translated into US making OURSELVES greater though. It does not leave room for our father to help us. When I am weak HE is strong cannot be true if I do not bring my weakness to Him, if I do not give Him an invitation into my struggle. In that moment I realized that I usually only save the major issues for God , assuming he is too great for tiny issues, but the reality was that I was too great to accept help for something small.
He must become greater, I must become less.
Now to zoom out.
The lesson of less really became a theme not only throughout this hike but throughout the entire 10 days of training camp. Although the story I just told was the most challenging point in my experience I would be lying if I denied that the rest of camp was without it’s challenges. From eating less food, and sleeping less, to taking ice cold bucket showers ( if I showered at all) , to overcoming caffeine withdrawals and not having coffee readily available ( oh the struggle) , to stepping out and being vulnerable in situations before the Lord and my new community in ways that I never have before…Discomfort abounded. It was challenging and uncomfortable at times, yes, but it was also so beautiful. By having less of things like electronics, comfort, energy, or caffeine (can you tell how much I missed caffeine ). I allowed space and room for more important things; relationships , conversation, prayer, and most importantly more of Christ.
Leading in to this process I had the mentality that I would be “sacrificing ” things going on the World Race,but after training camp I wouldn’t consider a single thing a sacrifice. To sacrifice implies that you are losing something , but in reality I lost nothing.I simply created more space for something so much greater and rewarding.
Also, there was oh SO much joy throughout the whole entire process. Everything ( I mean literally everything ) was done along with my team who in the process became family. Uncomfortable moments were shared with each other and laughter abounded.Together, we watched God’s perfect plan and purpose of bringing us all together unfold . We experienced true community in its purest form. We saw the Holy Spirit move in incredible ways , and through the process realized that we were part of something greater than ourselves. Effortless friendships were formed. It was flawless and perfect and something I could not do justice to with words. I think that the best description of it would be a modern day Acts church ( mind blown). I guess that is what happens when the Lord brings together people with a common desire to be His light in the darkest of places though… It’s what happens when a group of people are all willing to be less so that He can be greater…..
Also at training camp we were put into teams! We will go as teams into different ministries in each country we are in. Below is my beautiful team aka Team X-Stream. I am so honored and excited to be a part of this group! Each person is so gifted in such a unique and special way, we make for one strong and wonderful team . So excited for what the Lord has in store for us! Prayers as we prepare and head out would be greatly appreciated :).
TEAM X- STREAM : Krista Baer, Alissa Edwards, Jenny Bennet ( our strong and amazing leader) , Caleb Funderburk ( aka Fundy) , Aaron Hong , Alex Jones ( that leg tho) , oh and ME
Thank you to everyone for your continued support! All your prayers, time , and financial support have blessed me immensely. I am so beyond grateful for each and every one of you!
XoXo,
Arlene
