If there’s one thing I know it’s that every person on this planet is in pursuit of something; that something is purpose.
As humans, our greatest desire is to have relationships that go below surface level. We desire to be accepted and loved for who we truly are, but most of us sweep the things of our past under the rug of shame that the devil uses to remind us that we’re not good enough and no one could love us if they really knew everything about us.
I am here to tell you that is a lie. At one point or another we have all hid under the rug of shame, and the secret to the deep acceptance and love we desire is only through exposing our shame. No one can accept and love everything about you if you don’t give them the opportunity to know everything about you – only then will you be satisfied in their love.
We put up a front like we have everything under control – we are competent and independent – but another second later the lies of the devil creep in again to convince us that “you don’t have what it takes”, “no one cares about the desires of your heart”, “you aren’t good enough”. This is when we know that shame actually has us wrapped around it’s finger and what ties us down is our inability to speak up and come out of silence.
When we actually take control of our shame and expose it, the less it feels like a piece of your identity.
I personally believe this lack of vulnerability entangled in culture is what leaves us with an epidemic of not knowing how to truly give love to others AND freely receive love from others.
I’ve witnessed this epidemic in my squad and have also seen the freedom that comes out on the other side.
No longer does our identity have ties to the lies we believe about ourselves, but our identity lies in the truth of who our creator has told us we are.
One of my favorite pastors made a point in one of his latest sermons that stuck with me: “Life’s greatest temptation is to find your validation in a source other than Christ.”
I personally realized I easily find my validation in:
– Being successful at work and receiving words of affirmation from people above me
– The title, role or responsibilities I currently hold because someone decided I was good enough to be trusted with them
– Feeling desired by the opposite sex
What do you find your validation in?
Last month, my team and I practiced practical ways to train your mind to both give and receive love. Before last month, I was on a five year hiatus from emotions – good or bad – because they suck and people are disappointing. However, by practicing loving others well, I no longer hide behind the lie that “I don’t feel anything so I must not care”. In fact, I took my eyes off of myself, placed them on others and took notice to the character traits and talents they had that could make me a better person and sought out opportunities to love them.
Here are 10 things you can practice at home to grow in brotherly love:
1. Tell your life story in as much detail as you can remember to one other person – even the shame under your rug.
2. Pray for someone you connect with easily.
3. Pray for someone you do not get along with.
4. Carry someone’s items for them one day this week.
5. Give someone a massage or back scratch.
6. Encourage someone by telling them in person the good qualities you see in them.
7. Bring someone breakfast
8. Call someone you haven’t spoken to in a long time
9. Leave a thoughtful note or gift for someone.
10. Write down 5 character traits you desire to grow in and speak them over yourself.
There is one thing all 10 have in common: intentional action.
Two things I know about love are that:
1. Love is a choice.
2. Loving well requires being intentional.
This includes loving yourself. The Bible teaches that words speak life or death over people and that is the truth.
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.” – Proverbs 18:21
“Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” – Romans 12:10
I challenge you to choose a few things from this list and do them this week. Let us walk in the second most important commandment of loving others!
