What is up!
When God first told me to go on the world race my first thought was “okay.” The questions came after I agreed. I tried to think about every possible question I may be asked or interrogated by my parents with. I wanted to be prepared with answers because I knew taking a gap year completely went against any prior plans. The questions about missing my family and my friends came up, of course. I couldn’t wrap my head around a sentimental answer. I just knew that I wanted to be obedient to what God was saying, so I didn’t think about it too much. I figured leaving home would hit me after being in South Africa for a couple months. And boy, did it hit me.
In month 3 of being on the field, it started to set in. Thanksgiving was coming up, and I had already missed a few birthdays within my family. Which sucked. I love my family so much, and I love getting to see them every couple weeks once the holiday season begins. It started to dawn on me that I was missing all of it. Birthdays. Halloween. My sister’s engagement. Thanksgiving. Anniversaries. Christmas. New Years. Everything. And then I had a moment.
November 28th. My squad was celebrating Thanksgiving on the 29th instead of the 28th. On real Thanksgiving, I spent all day at the laundry mat, serving my squad and the laundry ladies doing our laundry. It was a great time. Afterwards, Alex (LOVE YOU) and I went to get our nails done by the beautiful Johanita. Another great time. Immediately after, that evening we met up with the rest of our squad to do a prayer walk around this strip downtown. We did the same thing the night before and I LOVED every second of it. I remember sitting in the restaurant, our meeting point before we started, and feeling like I was going to burst. Not a great time. I ended up going home with a couple girls from my team, and right as we got home I lost it. I was BALLING. ABOUT. EVERYTHING. I didn’t know I was capable of that kind of fomo. B-dog and I cried together hysterically for about 45 minutes, then I was reminded I had to submit my dumb report by midnight. It was 11pm at the time, so I sucked all my tears back in, put my big girl pants on, and went to do my receipts to submit my report. *Side note* I’m one of the logistics coordinators for may squad, and part of our job description is to keep receipts of all the money the squad spends and submit reports by the 28th of every month. In my emotional mess, I momentarily forgot about this. The wifi was being slow, so it took me 5ever to finish, BUT praise the Lord I submitted the dang report on time.
Anyway, I share this moment with you because it was the moment that I realized how homesick I actually was. My squad left for Ecuador a week later, and I knew I needed to do something about it. I wanted to be present, be where my feet were, not be whisked away by the future, etc. So I did the only productive thing in a time like that, I prayed. I expressed to God how I was feeling, not because He didn’t know, but because He wanted to hear it from me. Then He proposed a solution. He asked me to not talk to people from home for the first month of being in Ecuador since that was causing my homesickness. I said yes. Since it was the holidays, I had a couple cheat days, but for the most part I didn’t talk to anyone from home for a month. It was really hard at first. I missed everyone so very much. Also, being homesick affected my life in ways I wasn’t expecting. I didn’t like being in Ecuador. I didn’t like living with 33 people. I didn’t like sharing a room with 6 other people. I didn’t like my ministry. I didn’t like the altitude change. There were so many negative thoughts floating around in my brain, it was gross. As the month went on, I was sharing more about my feelings and hearing how I wasn’t the only one feeling homesick, having gross negative thoughts. I was not alone. Sure enough, that sentiment made me feel better. There’s so much power in community. The devil likes to isolate us to destroy us, but sharing and being vulnerable brought me out of that isolation. On December 22, my squad moved to the mountains to work with a different ministry for 10 days. We lived in tents, mixed and poured concrete to help create a foundation for a new building, and played with children at a VBS camp type thing. Our days were long and tiring, but they were by far my favorite of being on the race. We spent countless hours in a living room watching movies and playing card games in our free time. We had a candle light service, secret Santa, and a New Years party in that room. I lost my breath walking up and down a huge hill to get from that room to my tent everyday, but waking up to the beautiful country mountainside produced all the reward I needed. God brought me to this place of peace and love. He showed me the beauty in His creation. He took away the negativity, and showed me all that I had to rejoice in. I’m so thankful for those 10 days that changed my whole perspective. It’s such a privilege to serve our King.
Bottomline, I think walking through homesickness looks different for everyone. For me, it gave me a better understanding of what taking up my cross to follow Jesus looks like. In Matthew 10, He says, “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me.” I want to give my all for Him despite the level of difficulty. If that means leaving my family and friends and going against our cultural norm for 9 months then darn it that’s what I’m doing. I didn’t submit this intentional time to serve and be discipled by the Father, to give in to being homesick. It’s hard, but it’s okay. I’m thankful for the wake up call. I’m thankful for November 28th when I had my moment. I’m thankful for those gross days after too.
To my people at home, I love you all so much. Thank you for being supportive and encouraging me in the middle of this challenge. It hasn’t been easy, but it’s been better because you guys.
To my people here on the race, thank you for understanding and being in it with me. Thank you for loving me enough to not let me stay in it, though. You guys rock!
To my Heavenly Father, thank you for loving me in the mess and giving me the option to be a mess sometimes. Thank you for changing my perspective and leading me to see the good in all situations. I love you and trust your ways.
So yeah, I’m not really homesick anymore. I guess the turning point for me was waking up on January 1st of the new year, after an amazing dance party the night before, and just not being sad anymore. Nothing major. Just a God changed heart. I miss home and I’m excited to be back, but not enough to miss out on what God is doing now.
Thanks for reading! I felt weird about my last blog because it was short and my inner critic wasn’t happy, so hopefully this makes up for that lol.
Have an awesome day people!(:
Arielle
P.s. Say a quick prayer for me! Now that I’m not homesick, I’m literally home sick in bed right now. Sickness is gross and needs to go! Pray for my whole squad because we don’t have time for this anymore!
