On the last day of October in the year 2000, a baby girl was born to a woman who was incompetent to raise her.
She gave her away many times.
This is the day that this little girl learned that she was worth leaving. Her Mother didn’t call or write her. She stayed gone a long while. One day, 6 years later she came back to tell the girl she was her mother and that it was time for the little girl to leave the place she had called home all her life.
On this day, in this moment in time, this little girls life would be changed forever. From this point on, she would feel as if it was her against the world.
By the time the girl was 8 she had been emotionally and physically abused, but NEVER “beaten!” That’s because this 8 year old girl was made to be a fighter. She took the hits, the lashes & the bruises. She would never let them see that they won. She had learned early on that if she did she’d get it worse. I guess you can say she learned that silence was survival.
Then came the day that she was taken from this home. Whether or not she wanted it she didn’t have a choice. She was taken to a strange home where she was told she was going to have the best “sleepover.” What she didn’t know is that this sleepover would go on for months. It seemed never ending. This little girl became restless. Her first “home” where she had her first sleepover came with sexually abusive girls and boys her same age. Which later lead to her sleeping with her back against the wall for fear that someone might come in at night. On those dark nights she learned what fear was. She learned that it could be all consuming. In fact it was all consuming.
It consumed this little girl.
Later, she was given the option to tell about the events taking place at this never ending slumber party. Unfortunately, her words weren’t enough to make them take her side. This is yet another crucial day for this little girl. It was the first day she was labeled and convinced she was a liar.
Maybe what happened to her actually didn’t?
Maybe she was indeed the problem?
At this point it didn’t matter. The adults had already branded her a liar and moved her elsewhere. Not for her safety, but for the safety of the children in that home. At this home this little girl was immersed in the Christian culture.
This little girl met Jesus.
This was the day her life would be changed.. FOREVER.
Time passed, little girl grew up and she was 14. This would be the day that someone would see her. See the true beauty within her.
They would decide that she was more than enough for them. She didn’t believe it though.
This girl went through high school looking for love & acceptance from everyone and everything else. As a sophomore she learned that pain is only temporary when the bottle is in reach. She learned that love was attainable to those who were willing to give it up. She learned that everyone has secrets, but when you share them you will be judged harshly for them. She learned that people want to know you until they truly know you.
When she was at the end of her Junior year of High School this girl realized just how broken she was. If it wasn’t for her faith in the one who created her and her family, the devils thoughts of suicide would have gotten the best of her.
Fueled by her faith & support of the people who loved her: the girl decided it was time to take her leap. The girl embarked on a new adventure. She had a strong desire to re-write the wrongs in her story. It was here that this girl learned so much about herself. Below is what she learned.
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Now, she knows that change is a beautiful thing.
It’s more of a gift.
She knows that she was made to be a fighter, but not because of the person who beat it into her, but because later she would be a fighter for her faith and for those around her.
She learned that silence is made for those who aren’t strong enough to speak up for themselves, but she knows she is because the Lord is her everlasting strength.
She learned that fear is a liar.
She learned that she isn’t a liar.
She learned that love is for everyone & that means even she is deserving of love.
She learned that she loves others because she desires to be loved.
She learned that people love her best when they seek to know her every detail.
She learned that crying is okay.
She learned that feelings suck to have but make her human.
She learned that family is more precious than gold.
She learned that everyone is worthy to be known because He knows her.
She learned that Jesus accepts those who aren’t even worthy of it because He died for her.
She learned that she is fearfully and wonderfully made.
This girl is still walking daily with the Lord & learning what it’s like to devote her every second to Him.
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For right now this is me. This is what I’ve learned and been through. This is my everything. Thanks for reading, it means the world to me to have been able to share my heart with you.
– A.Star
