I’ve been sitting here in the corner of my room trying to think of what to write for quite a few hours now…and to be completely honest, I’m struggling hardcore.
So last night, for the first time in a very long time, I felt absolute freedom. I felt God’s presence rest on me and around me. I felt His love swell from every smile and every cry surrounding me. I felt Him. I felt His heart breaking for His children. I felt.
And if I’m being entirely transparent here, for the past couple of weeks I’ve been wondering “Where the heck have You been, God?”
It’s kinda like God has been stretching His hand out to me, inviting me to join Him in a magnificent dance, and I’m looking at my feet. I’m looking at each step and paying absolutely no attention to the One who wants to dance with me. The One who wants to romance me. All He wants me to do is look at Him. Keep my eyes on Him. Trust Him. And I’m standing here looking at my feet wondering what the heck He’s doing to lead me.(And if you know anything about dancing, you know you never look down. You always keep your eyes locked on the other person and surrender control, and somehow, you find yourself being one with that person, being one fluid movement.)
So all week I’ve been looking at my feet, and then all of a sudden it hit me..
“Wow, God…I’ve been blind! Oh I’m so sorry, my sweet Father.”
I’ve been blind.
Blind to how He is working in my sister’s heart.
Blind to how He is opening up my mother’s heart to vulnerability.
Blind to how He is stretching my father’s heart in patience and generosity.
Blind to how He is blessing others through me.
Blind to how He is blessing Karin and her kids.
Blind to what a simple dance can mean.
Blind to who He has brought into my life.
Blind to the relationships He has blessed me with.
Blind to the lessons He is teaching me.
Blind to His presence.
Blind to His grace and mercy.
Blind to His love.
I once was blind, but now I see. Wow.
God, I see You. I want You. I love You.
My eyes are on You alone.
You know what the crazy thing is?
His choice to love us, wasn’t dependent on our choice to love Him in return. When He created us, He gave us the power to choose. He still loved us when we chose the apple. He still loved us when we chose lust. He still loved us when we chose impurity. He still loved us when we chose addiction. He still loved us when we chose money.
When we choose to turn from Him…HE STILL LOVES US.
Is that not the most incredibly difficult thing to wrap your mind around?
I mean, think about it…
He could live anywhere in the world…and He chose your heart.
His love is immaculate.
His heart is immeasurable
His peace surpasses all understanding.
I was told one time, “You either choose peace, or you choose understanding. You can’t have both.”
Mind. Blown.
You mean when I try to understand what the heck God is doing, I’m choosing not to let His peace enter my heart? I’m choosing not to trust Him? I’m choosing not to love Him? Or even better….I’m choosing not to receive His love for me?
He’s so crazy in love with me. I am His beautifully untouched bride.
Open my eyes.
Touch my heart.
Wrap your arms around me, Lord.
Let’s dance.
“Finally ready now,
to close my eyes and just believe,
that you won’t lead me where you don’t go
[…]
and I’ve been told,
to pick up my sword,
and fight for love,
little did I know,
that love had won for me
[…]
when my faith gets tired,
and my hope seems lost,
you spin me round and round,
and remind me of that song,
the one you wrote for me,
and we dance
[…]
and I will lock eyes,
with the One who’s chosen me,
the One who set my feet to dancing
and we dance…
yes we dance…”
So, let’s dance.
