Before I go into this blog I want to update you guys!!! Instead of going to Guatemala, we will be going to Costa Rica! My squad’s new route is Thailand, India then Costa Rica. I am extremely excited for this change!
Also…I HIT $5,000 THIS MONTH! This is insane and I’m so thankful. $5,000 was my first goal and I can’t believe it already happened. I want to say again, thank you. I appreciate anything and everything you’ve done to support me. I am currently doing the Adopt-a-Box fundraiser but if you have any suggestions on what other fundraisers you like to see, let me know!!
(DISCLAIMER: this next part is not me complaining. I am not trying to be discouraging. I’m trying to shed a light onto what some of us experience and what effects us. This is supposed to be helpful and realistic. No, I do not know everything but these are things I’ve experienced. I am speaking for myself.)
As most of my readers know, I live in China…but for those of you who don’t, let me tell you why.
In 2015 my parents adopted my little sister from China, she was 8 years old and the sweetest, sassiest little joy. Only 2 years later we all traveled to China again, to adopt my little brother. He was 10 and terrified. He screamed and cried for days. He was mostly scared of my mom and I, soon he came around but it was such an unexpected reaction.
My mom and I have wanted to move to China since my sisters adoption. Seeing the way these children were being treated in orphanages was heartbreaking. My dad thought we were insane but soon God changed his heart. Only 7 months after my brothers adoption we sold everything we owned, packed up 12 suitcases and were on our way. For the first year and a half we lived at a foster home where my parents looked over kids who have aged out of the system. After that we moved only a few minutes away and now live at a place called Shepherds Field. It’s a home where the children who have aged out of the system, have a place to learn life skills that they aren’t taught in an institution.
While living in China, and leaving everyone we love back in America, we have experienced things that only few have. I am NOT* complaining. Life is hard and this is real. I am unbelievably grateful to have this experience. I know God moved us for a reason and I couldn’t love my life more.
Before we made this huge move, we met people and read blogs and watched videos all about missionaries. It all seemed amazing. It seemed perfect. Not once did we read anything about the hardships. So I’m here to tell you about a few unexpected difficulties and what you shouldn’t say to a missionary.
“Why did you leave us?/ Why do you have to leave me?”
This one bothers me the most. It feels like they are blaming you, for the fact they miss you. It feels like their hurt, is your fault. The missionary, you know, is doing this because God has called them to do it. Your missionary is doing this because they are following and loving the Lord. For most missionaries, this doesn’t feel like a choice. For missionaries, this is what they are called to do. Rather than asking why they are leaving “you”…tell them that you are going to miss them and how you are proud of them. And it’s okay to tell them it’s gonna be hard for you. That is okay because it’s the truth. Yes, you ARE going to miss them and your feelings are 100% valid and they are also gonna miss you. Remember that this is hard for them too. This is the time where you need to encourage and support them.
“When are you coming home?”
This question doesn’t totally apply here, but you might know long term missionaries and this can be helpful.
Obviously those of us who are going on the Race know exactly when we are going home, but usually long term missionaries don’t.
“When are you coming home?” Is such a valid question, it’s normal and honestly..it’d be weird if you didn’t ask. But this question is hard. Once you move, you put your clothes in the closet, you have your welcome mat on the front porch and your dishes in the kitchen, right? Later on you will leave your house and at some point you’ll say “I’m going home”. My family says that. We say we are going home. Our home is in China. When people ask us this question it’s difficult. Of course Garner, North Carolina will always be a home to us but going back to the states is difficult. It’s emotionally draining. We will always love it there but once you experience a different culture, you see parentless children…it’s hard to move to America and talk about superficial, meaningless things. Of course there are parentless children in America and of course there are things that have meaning in too…but when you know what is going on across the world…it’s hard to live “normal”. Not to be dramatic but I don’t think my family will ever feel totally “at home” again. We have family in China and we have family in America. We are always going to miss someone and we aren’t ever going to feel totally “in place” in either country.
“Well if it’s so hard..why are you doing it?”
You and I are both human. We both complain and get annoyed..we get sad and angry and we both have hardships. We are both human, with normal human emotions. Fundraising, is HARD. Trusting the Lord with your future is HARD. Being away from family and friends is HARD. And yes…in the end it is OUR decision to “leave” the easy life. But once again…it is what we are supposed to do. We are allowed to vent to others. We are allowed to cry and be sad and angry about the situation we are in. And it most definitely doesn’t help when the person you are confiding in says “well if it’s so hard..why are you doing it?”. We know everyone doesn’t understand, we know some people never will. That is okay. But when we, as missionaries, need someone to talk to..and we go to you…please don’t say this. It make us feel like our feelings aren’t “valid” because we “choose” this life. You being sad because we are gone is okay, but us being sad because we are away, is okay too.
This blog isn’t to make you feel bad, it’s to encourage you to be more understanding. I’m speaking from my experience, so this might not be accurate for everyone. Although we are all very different people, we all have feelings and it’s best to try to encourage.
