God’s been wrecking my heart. And it all started with a song and three words.
I’ll go ahead and warn you that this post is a bit on the longer side, and I’ve broken it up into two parts: Part one is a general update of where I am on this journey, and part two is an update of what God’s been teaching me. I’ll start with what’s easiest and thank God for some recent good news:
- A couple of weeks ago, I was able to present my trip at a luncheon, and by the end of the day found myself feeling as though I’d been given a warm hug of encouragement. Over half of the wood and all of the coasters from Reclaimed for a Purpose were sold, and another monthly supporter is partnering with me! By the way, I’m making more map coasters soon to be available since they seemed to be popular. The financial and prayerful support I received truly touched me; if you’re reading this blog, and were one of the ones who contributed to this journey, please know that you are an answer to prayer! A BIG THANKS TO YOU because I can’t do this on my own.
- I found a job and have been working part-time. I know without a doubt that God Himself has me where I’m working, because I would’ve never thought I’d be at a hardware store… and the funny thing is that I actually like it. So thank You, God, for providing work for me and helping me find a job that pays better than I expected, is two miles from my house, and where I enjoy my co-workers.
Now for an update on the spiritual part of the journey:
Like I said, God’s been wrecking my heart. In a nutshell He’s been teaching me the importance of recognizing myself as His, recognizing Him as my Bridegroom, and choosing to have the courage to believe in Who He is, and in Him. It all began a couple weeks ago when I found myself in my bedroom lying on my carpet:
“What if I’m wrong?” I spoke aloud in the quietness of my bedroom.
“What if I’ve missed Your voice somehow, and I’m not supposed to be on this journey and there’s some other direction I should be going?”
These thoughts have been lurking in the back of my mind every day since I applied to go on the World Race. I was frustrated with myself for allowing these doubts to create such a stronghold in my mind and stir up confusion.
I caught sight of a plaque that one of my best friends had given me for graduation. On it is a lion with a quote from The Chronicles of Narnia saying: “Courage, Dear Heart.”
I opened my iPad and saw that a song had randomly popped up on my YouTube app. It was by Jesus Culture called Dance with Me. Although I’d never listened to it, I love Jesus Culture, so for the heck of it I clicked on it. Immediately, I recognized the lyrics from Song of Songs. So I flipped through the pages of my Bible and found the chorus of the song:
My beloved spoke and said to me,
“Arise, my darling,
my beautiful one, come with me.
See! The winter is past;
the rains are over and gone.
Flowers appear on the earth;
the season of singing has come,
the cooing of doves
is heard in our land
I looked once more at the plaque with the Chronicles of Narnia quote, and, heart beating with anticipation, I searched for the context of the quote:
“But no one except Lucy knew that as it circled the mast it had whispered to her, “Courage, dear heart,” and the voice, she felt sure, was Aslan’s, and with the voice a delicious smell breathed in her face.” C.S. Lewis, The Chronicles of Narnia: Voyage of the Dawn Treader.
I’m going to paraphrase it: the ship that Lucy and the other characters were on had entered a place of darkness. They were fearful because they didn’t know what was surrounding them and they didn’t know what was to come. Then, Lucy heard a voice that she recognized as Aslan’s. In a single breath, He called her a name of endearment and told her to take courage. Love mixed with command. The ship sailed from the place of darkness and when they entered into the sunlight, the characters realized there was never anything to fear to begin with.
“Courage. Courage. Courage, Dear Heart,” the Holy Spirit was saying to me.
It made sense. Perfect, concise, and divine sense. And I found myself with tears coming down my face as Song of Songs 2:10-12 and the excerpt from Voyage of the Dawn Treader intertwined together into one revelation from the Holy Spirit.
We must recognize the passing of old and familiar seasons (winter), and the coming of a new and unfamiliar one (spring). The measure of our freedom to follow our Bridegroom into a land of new things and promise equals that of our surrender to Him. Until we surrender everything in this world, we will never truly be free to follow Jesus the way that He intends for us to.
God speaks to us the same way that Aslan spoke to Lucy. In one breath, He calls us by name and pushes us forward into obedience. He mixes His great love for us with a call to obedience and a command to take courage to obey Him. He’s good enough to provide for us the courage we need to obey, but He will at times take us into a season where we must choose courage in the midst of total darkness. In these seasons we cannot rely on our own strength, knowledge, or physical eyes. It is our faith alone that we have in the darkness. Faith that we recognize God’s voice, and that we hear Him. The present and future may seem dark and unclear, but listen for the sweet voice of the Shepherd, for it’s only natural that He’ll speak to His sheep, and the sheep will recognize the voice of the Shepherd. It’s in this moment where we must choose to believe in God, and in Who He is. We choose to believe that it’s His voice calling us by name, and we take courage in Him. Then before we know it, the darkness around us will begin to fade into gray and will flee because of the light that shines from that secret place where the bride freely follows her Bridegroom
My old season is past and the new is here, and my Bridegroom is calling me to a foreign land where He has prepared a home for me. It was a promise and reassurance. As I prepare to leave to travel around the world, I am not going alone, but I am going under the protection of my spiritual Husband, Jesus. And although I will be in a foreign land, He is already preparing a home for me in each country I will be in.
I realized that my season has been in the dark, and I find myself in a moment similar to what Lucy experienced. I felt a weight lifted off of me and that He was reassuring me that I am exactly where He wants me right now…following Him. I don’t know what the future looks like, but I know I will see His light and His glory, not because of anything I’ve done or who I am, but because I believe in Who He is, and what He’s done and is still doing.
Click here to listen to Dance With Me
