After the first month of our Race, it was brought to the ladies attention that yoga pants and leggings were a huge distraction for the men on our squad. We were asked to be more modest and wear things that covered our butts if we wore those bottoms. It upset a lot of women on my squad, and I heard a lot of “That’s stupid, that’s not fair, we should be able to wear what we want, they can’t tell us what to wear.” But after extensive conversations amongst ourselves, slowly everyone came to realize that it’s what is best for the men on our squad, and men in general. We are here to serve the Lord, not draw attention away from Him because of what we are or are not wearing.
When this was brought up, it was no surprise for me. I had learned that lesson long before I started the Race because of mistakes I made in wearing the wrong kind of shirt around brothers. It drew attention away from my Christ centered heart and caused them to focus on other things. And it hurt me when I realized that. I want to be seen as attractive and beautiful because of my fiery heart for Christ, not for what I look like on the outside. But it was my own mistake in wardrobe that day that caused a brother to stumble. Lesson learned.
I have a blast trying to find the cutest outfits that make me feel like a beautiful woman, but are completely honoring to my brothers in every way. Not only do I feel attractive by my own standards, but then I don’t have to worry about if I’m being looked at for the wrong reasons.
So I say to women: it is possible to feel attractive, beautiful, and sexy while wearing clothes that cover more skin than society tells us is “sexy.” Men will love, honor, and respect you for it. And I promise, he will still find you attractive. A quote from a guy friend: “It’s really attractive when a girl has boundaries and self respect, it shows she has a good head on her shoulders. That’s what I like in a girl.”
Something that a girl brought up back in Month One, was that it’s not fair the men get to walk around shirtless and have it be ok, when we have to be 100% modest for them. I immediately called it out that we ARE allowed to remind our brothers that seeing them shirtless isn’t the most helpful sometimes. There are two sides to the modesty coin.
Once when I was at a Christian conference an announcement was made over the loudspeakers. “Men, please remember to come out of the showers fully dressed, don’t walk around in a towel.” One of my friends told me that her boyfriend at the time (soon to be husband), asked her why they had to cover up. She explained that seeing men shirtless in just a towel after getting out of the shower can cause our minds to wander. We’re only human, our minds wander too. He was shocked because he didn’t think that happened to women too.
So I say to men: I don’t think I’ll ever understand the thought process that goes into “I’m going to walk around without my shirt on in public for a while,” because that’s just not on my radar as a girl. But I will say this; sometimes it’s completely unhelpful. Just like how I’m sure seeing ladies in bikinis causes your mind to wander, it happens to us too.
This might sound kind of stupid but I’m hoping my future husband isn’t always looking for reasons to take his shirt off around other women all the time. Just like I’m sure (and hoping) my future husband is praying I’m not flaunting my body around unnecessarily around other men that aren’t him.
One of my friends who is in a godly relationship told me her boyfriend no longer takes his shirt off in public (unless it’s the proper time like swimming etc.). Her words were, “He has a great body, and a lot of people know it, so people ask him to show it off. But he’s started responding that it’s for no one else’s eyes but his wife’s.”
I love that, and it goes further than just honoring a future spouse. It also deals with “not becoming a Bathsheba.” I don’t want to be the cause of someone else’s argument or insecurity. I don’t want to draw attention from men who are not my husband. I don’t want to be a distraction for someone else’s husband. I don’t want to cause someone else’s husband to stumble because of my carelessness.
So I think modesty is sexy, for both men and women.
I think it’s sexy because I want to honor my future husband with the way I dress. I don’t want him to stumble because of something I’m wearing. I don’t want other men to look at me a certain way because of how I’m dressed. I don’t want another woman to dislike me because I drew her man’s attention away from her because I was inappropriately attired. I want to be seen as beautiful not because of the way I look, but because of how Christ radiates from me. I want Christ to be the first thing my husband sees in me, and that might be harder for him if I’m not respecting his eyes with what I wear.
I think it’s sexy because I think it’s really attractive when a man wants to honor his future wife/other women by not finding every little excuse to show a little skin. That he has the humility to save it for that one special woman, and not seek extra attention or affirmation from other women because he is proud of his body and wants to flaunt it. I think it’s sexy when he only wants to flaunt it for his wife in marriage one day, and isn’t trying to seek extra attention from other women, possibly other people’s wives. That he wants to honor other men’s marriage by not being a potential distraction for other women.
Modest is hottest.
