ten hours of silence

For the past week or so I’ve been really struggling with distance from the Lord but was afraid to seek Him in His word because the past few times I had tried, nothing pierced my heart. It was causing me a great deal of stress that I would reach out to try and grasp hold of Him and felt nothing but air. It was exhausting.  

After a solid 10 hours spent with Him in His word, in prayer, and in silence, I am refreshed and refilled with His spirit and mercy. All I can do is look back and wonder why I convince myself that spending time with Him will be a waste. When has my time with the Lord ever been a waste? Never. He has always provided, even though I am far beyond unworthy.

I have found that often I try to look for the “perfect” verse to pierce my heart in just the right way at just the right moment. But today with nothing to do, I had no agenda except an intense desire to spend time with my Father. Instead of seeking the “right verse,” all I wanted was to learn more about Him. So together He first took me through a little bit of Acts and I learned more about receiving the power of the Holy Spirit, speaking in tongues, and being raised from the dead.

That is how I feel right now – that I have been raised from the dead. After being trapped and entangled in Satan's web of lies, I have been saved. How amazing is it that our God raised His son from the dead, and that’s it’s impossible for death to keep its hold on Him; even today He cannot be silenced.

And how amazing is it that He does the same thing for us. How amazing is it that the Lord loves us so much, He will raise us from the death of our sinful lives and instead give us grace and mercy in order that we might live.

Even though I’ve already accepted Christ into my heart and committed my life to Him, I still fail and stumble back into Satan’s grasp in which he hopes to hold me in death. But because of Christ’s love, I will always be rescued and brought back to life. Always.

It’s crazy to think about how undeserving I am of His love, compassion, and forgiveness. Yet despite my failures, He has called me out to spread His good news. Despite my failures, He has filled me with the Spirit and has called me to this adventure called World Race in which, through His strength, I will go out among the nations to spread His light.