We left Malaysia on the 20th and now here I am in a crazy place called Sri Lanka. When we arrived my brain immediately began trying to catagorize and identify this place with somewhere I have been in the past. It came up with a mix of about three places-Madagascar, Cambodia, with a little bit of Vietnam. Mix this in a pot, it’s a little bit like Sri Lanka. We have only been here for three days and it already has been very interesting. I’ve been a lot of places around the world, I’ve met a lot of people and I’ve seen a lot of things. But out of every country I have been too, I have not felt so disrespected as a woman.
The Lord has done a lot of healing in my heart towards men, but this is definitely pushing some buttons. Yesterday we took the whole day to adventure. Normally after travel days, I take some time to myself and process over the last month, but I felt very strongly that I needed to go and be apart of the adventure day.
We started our journey and took the train. It was a really great day, we went to a museum, made a new friend from New Zealand, had some really delicious Indian food. We were going to go to the beach but it was getting late. It was a lot of bus rides and walking at that point so we decided to head home. At this point I was noticing a consistent theme. That when men here looked at us, it was either curiousity, lustful, or a, “you better move out of my way” expression. Whenever walking down the street if you didn’t move out of the way you would get bumped quite a few times.
This is not entirely abnormal. A lot of places you go, people will bump and run into you. The streets are narrow and busy, it is bound to happen. But this time felt different…
After a series of unfortunate events, we were delayed from going home after being given false information on which train or bus to get on, we wasted about 5 hours of our night, and we were still an hour and a half away from home. We were told to either go to a wrong platform or sold the wrong tickets. We found ourselves in the office where we were trying to get a refund for two tickets we bought that took us to the wrong place. It was not because we bought them to the wrong place, but because two different employees gave us wrong information on which train or which platform to get on. So after misinformation, an hour and half train ride, and hour and a half bus ride, waiting for 30 minutes, altogether four hours later, we were very frustrated. Frustrated because of the misinformation, but also because the men who we spoke to were very disrespectful, laughing, and talking innapropraitely about us while we were standing right there.
It was about 9:45 P.M. at a public train station. All the trains had stopped running, so it would be either by bus or by taxi we would get home. I was standing next to a man who worked in the office of the train station, who was staring at me up and down, trying to make me make eye contact. So instead I go outside the office where we were waiting to figure out what to do.
As I stand there, I’m praying and asking the Lord to get us home, and to show us the reason why all of this happened, because surely there was a reason for all of it. As I’m praying a man bumps into me, reaches his hand down and gives my butt a squeeze, then ran off.
That was my breaking point. Not the getting on the wrong train because of misinformation, then going back to the train station to get on a different train, then again being given the wrong information and missing our train entirely. My breaking point was not when the men were laughing at our frustration while they had two bottles of gin on their work table. But after all this built up, then the man grabbed my butt, I felt so belittled at that point. So I sat down and was close to tears. As I sat I felt the Father prompting my heart to talk to Him about what happened. As I began telling Him in my heart what happened and how it all made me feel, I felt His sweet embrace. There are some things that you can’t explain, it just is what it is. But He was there beside me comforting my heart. The experience all together was a lot of triggers for me personally. But I realized that if everything that happened that night was to going to bring us closer to Him, and closer to depending on Him, then ok. So I asked Him again to get us home safely.
I’m still processing a lot from yesterday because even when we caught the right bus and we’re finally, by 10:30 P.M. Heading home, there was another man on the bus who tried to rub my ear while I was sleeping and apparently was trying to play with my hair. I feel disrespected as a woman and a person in general. And it’s only been three days.
This morning I’m processing a lot from yesterday and praying over this month. I was able to hold my tongue yesterday and not get angry. After being grabbed, bumped lied to and cheated yesterday, I have had to focus a lot on being able to forgive those men today. I do trust that God brought me to this place for a reason, but I’m seeking His face. Yesterday brought up difficult emotions to process, where in the past I would have stuffed down those emotions. But today I choose to seek His face, and trust that He has me here to shine His light and bring His truth.
He is reminding me that He loves these men just as much as He loves me. And because I love Him, I have to love them as well. For those of you who read this and are concerned for our safety here, please know that AIM teaches us about safety training, and we are doing our best to remain safe and sound.
But also remember that when we follow Jesus, He leads us to challenging and sometimes not the safest places. In these places we will walk in wisdom, being led by His Spirit. Please pray for strength, safety, and blessings as we shine His light to all around us, no matter how they may treat us because of our sex.
