I don’t believe in “falling in love”. I think it might be one of the way’s that this world sets us up for failure. “Falling” implies that there is no choice behind it, that it just kind of happened on accident. My love story didn’t happen like that, at least. I chose this love. I chose to be undeniably in love. And I will choose to be radically in love with Him for the rest of my life, even when it’s not fun, and even when I want to throw in the towel.
All I wanted growing up was an extravagant love story! You know the type, the kind of love story that movies are made out of. Where the kind hearted man swoops in and saves the damsel in distress. Life experiences told me I should probably give up on the silly idea that that would ever happen to someone like me. Right when I was about to give up on it all, it happened. The kind-hearted man came in and saved me from my disaster. He told me I was beautiful, lovely, and wanted. He brought with Him hope for the future and peace for what was my past.
I still have mornings when I wake up in disbelief that this is my life story. I wake up knowing that I am loved by someone who is never going to stop loving me. I go to work knowing that someone is thinking of me. I go to sleep every night with the excitement of knowing that someone is captivated by my beauty.
After the initial interest and after I had decided I wanted to pursue this relationship, it was just that: a pursuit. He was chasing hard after my heart, and I was and continue to chase after His. It isn’t always easy, or fun. Sometimes it’s messy and ugly and work. I don’t believe in “falling in love”. I think it might be one of the way’s that this world sets us up for failure. “Falling” implies that there is no choice behind it, that it just kind of happened on accident. My love story didn’t happen like that, at least. I chose this love. I chose to be undeniably in love. And I will choose to be radically in love with Him for the rest of my life, even when it’s not fun, and even when I want to throw in the towel.
A hero of mine wrote this in one of his books “To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” (C.S Lewis; The Four Loves)
This love of mine causes me to be more vulnerable than I ever would have planned to be. It causes me to love things I never would have imagined loving, and to be broken hearted about things that I was never sad about before. This love is radical.
Here’s the catch; I’m not leaving Him behind when I go on the race, and I’m not going to spend even a second apart from Him when i’m in 11 different countries next year. He’s coming with me. Every step of every day, He’ll be there. No he isn’t a clingy boyfriend, He’s Jesus. Jesus is the man who has captured my heart, and He’s the man I will fight to know more each and every day.
When I tell people about this mission that The Lord has called me on, a popular question that comes up is, “Are you going to fall in love with someone while you’re gone?!”. Here’s my answer: I have already chosen to be in love. I’m going into this mission with the most incredible love story. Every other story I will tell will be pale in comparison to this one. I’m not waiting for a man to save me, because I’ve already been saved. I can fully say with 100% confidence that I am content with the life God has given me. He’s called me to “singleness” right now, but with that being said, i’m not single at all. I am a part of a divine romance that ravishes my heart. I am more in love now, than I have ever been. And the most amazing part of it all is that I have a whole life ahead of me to fall more and more in love with Jesus.
You are more loved than you will ever know, by someone who died to know you!!! (Romans 5:8)
