Although I want to be a missionary, it wasn’t always the case. I didn’t grow up around the church. My mom bounced around to a few over the course of my childhood but I avoided it like the plague. I wasn’t even a creaster (Christmas and Easter) church goer. It’s not that I didn’t believe, I just wasn’t ready to accept the responsibility that came with knowing. I finally came to college and decided that I would try to find a church. Instead I found a church community that welcomed me and guided me through scripture and understanding what a relationship with Christ entailed. My life was going just as planned. I had a softball scholarship to the college I wanted, I was making good grades, I had found a great church, awesome friends
but then
I took two, week long mission trips to Guatemala. All of a sudden this American dream I was headed for didn’t seem so appealing. Each time I came back to the states I had more of a hunger to be abroad. My next trip would take me to Kenya, Africa for two months where I got to share my testimony, present the Gospel, pray for the sick, and live in the most Christ centered community. It was there that I knew this is what I was meant to do for the rest of my life.
I wasn’t even back in the U.S. and the World Race(WR) was heavy on my heart. I knew that the Race had January routes available which would be the perfect time for me to go having finally finished my commitment to graduate college. I was excited that I would get to simultaneously see the world while living out the great comission.
Months passed and I felt that maybe God had other plans for me (my plans seriously changed weekly). To most it probably came off as indecisive but to me it was a reflection of blind obedience. Willing and open to do anything God has in store for me because my options were limitless.
I said “whatever your will God”. SO I THOUGHT.
Now that I have officially been accepted to the WR, I can’t help but think that maybe God never had other plans for me, that this was His plan. That along the way fears of finances, support raising (again), student loan deferments and miscellaneous expenses morphed Gods voice into plans that were SAFE. It seems that as I mull over logistics in my head everything is telling me that this is not possible. How am I going to raise $15,500 in a few months without robbing a bank. Although cliché, I keep reminding myself, I really do serve a God who says all things are possible to him who believes.
Well God I’m saying to you that I do believe, I really do, but help my unbelief.
