The last couple months I have finally gotten into a routine of putting my alone time with God first. I have been faithful about waking up early to do my devotions before anything else. I have been craving that time. But over the last couple weeks I have felt like I’ve been under attack. I haven’t wanted to sit down and read my Bible or take time away from everyone and pray. I started feeling like no matter how hard I tried, I was not going to be able to make a difference in my friends lives. I was lonely and felt like I didn’t have anyone to talk to about my relationship with God. As much as I kept telling myself that I wasn’t alone and all I needed was Him, I didn’t feel Him there. All these doubts started creeping through my mind; you have been fooling yourself, your old life was easier, stop trying to be different, you have given into temptation so many times in the past, what makes you think this time is any different. I was comparing myself to everyone around me, finding their good qualities and only seeing my bad qualities. Wishing I was something that I’m not. I was wondering if maybe I dream to big, have to much hope, to much faith, and need to be knocked back into reality with everyone else. Needless to say I wasn’t spending as much time with God anymore, my routine was slowly slipping.
But while I was sitting in a coffee shop at the beach with two friends last week, everything suddenly turned around for me. We weren’t talking about God or life or anything serious but all of the sudden this feeling came over me and I felt God saying “Be happy with who are, I’m happy with who you are. Dream big because I have big plans. Don’t stop believing in people, your faith gives them hope.” I felt an overwhelming sense of joy for life and a new and radiating sense of self-confidence. I got so excited about everything ahead of me. I wish I could explain the feeling better, it was like a sudden rush of excitement, joy, contentment……all at once! All I can say is God is AMAZING and the enemy can throw lies at me but the power and intensity of God’s love overpowers any negative feelings the devil tries to send my way!
