Get Real

I have really been struggling in
my relationship with my Dad here lately. I have been offended because I feel
like all his time is consumed with the new house he is buying. I have been hurt
because I feel like he cares more about that than spending time with me and
helping me get ready to leave. I’m aware that my expectations are much higher
than I deserve… my dad has always really catered to me and it’s weird coming
home after four years and trying to be the adult I feel like I should be but
still wanting the same relationship I used to have with my dad. I guess I am
not really sure what our relationship is supposed to look like right now and I
am not sure he is either.

The other day he came in and said
that we needed to have a meeting about some things that needed to be taken care
of before I leave. I was immediately annoyed because I knew it was going to be
about money and about how I needed to have my things cleaned out of the house
before I go. I was imagining he would say something like this:

“I don’t have the time or money
to be cleaning up after you or covering the financial mistakes you have made.”

Hmmm…why should that bother me so
much? I mean I am 22 and I was planning on taking care of both those things
before I left anyways. Deep down I guess I was kind of overwhelmed at the
thought of all of it and even if I was going to do it on my own, I wanted to
know my dad did have the time if I needed him. I wanted him to want to help me,
not get frustrated at the thought of possibly having to help me.

I was already stressed out about
everything and feeling like I am a burden to someone else only intensifies
those feelings so I really didn’t want to talk to him about it. But I didn’t
really have a choice. I scheduled a meeting with him because he asked me to
pick a time. Two days later, when that meeting time rolled around I had already
replayed how I expected the conversation to go over and over again. I was
prepared to be frustrated and had my emotional guard up to avoid being hurt.

Well the conversation didn’t go
at all like I expected. In fact it was probably one of the most peaceful/least
intense conversations I have ever had with my Dad concerning finances. He was
so open to hearing what I thought…at first I hesitated, because from past
experience I knew the more I said, the more he would say and this could turn
into an extremely long conversation that ended with no resolve. But as I began
to talk, my Dad did not talk over me at all. In fact he asked my mom to let me
talk when she tried to say something. I said, “Dad I want you to want to be a
part. I know you are worried about making sure all of needs are met and my
credit is good but it hurts that you don’t want to be more involved than that.”
He was silent for a minute and then said, “April, I want to be involved I just
feel like you want your independence because you are older now and I don’t
really know what my boundaries are with you. So I have tried to back off
because you seem frustrated when I get involved.”

Whoa! Total miscommunication!!!
He basically told me he wanted to take care of a lot of the things I had been
stressed out about trying to do on my own. He said, “NOTHING MAKES A DAD
HAPPIER THAN BEING ABLE TO PROVIDE FOR HIS CHILDREN…I JUST DIDN’T THINK YOU
NEEDED ME ANYMORE.”

Needless to say, I walked out of
this conversation feeling a lot better about my dad. Later, I started to replay our
conversation in my head and began to think of it in terms of our relationship
with God. How many times do we get upset with God? How many times are we
confused by the way He is doing things? But instead of confronting Him we shut
Him out. Sounds weird to think about confronting God but I think He longs for
us to be real with Him, to say “God, I don’t understand. God, I’m hurt.” But so
many times we shut down our feelings and limit our relationship with Him
because of our confusion. I think we might be surprised at His response when we
choose to be real and vulnerable with Him.

I think one of the greatest
examples of this is the book of Job. He is one of my favorite people; he had a
relationship with God that was so REAL. In all his emotional turmoil and
darkest moments, he did not shut God out…. he was real with Him:

Job 7:16-20

“I despise my life; I would not
live forever. Let me alone; my days have no meaning. What is man that you make
so much of him, that you give so much attention, that you examine him every
morning and test him every moment? Will you never look away from me, or let me
alone even for an instant? If I have sinned, what have I done to you, o watcher
of men? Why have I become a burden to you?”

This may sound depressing but these are his real feelings, and who better to share them with than God? I will let you read the whole
story for yourself…but just in case you don’t…at the end of the book Lord
reveals how pleased He is with Job.

Job 42:12-13

The Lord blessed the latter part
of Job’s life more than the first. He had fourteen thousand sheep, six thousand
camels, a thousand yoke of oxen and a thousand donkeys. He also had seven sons
and three daughters.

Job 42:16-17

After this, Job lived a hundred
and forty years; he saw his children and their children to the fourth
generation. And so he died, old and full of years.