The past few months have been a very trying time and I have felt like my relationship with Jesus is not the way it should be. I’m not spending hours in the word every day like I used to and my prayer time has subsided significantly. In fact a few weeks ago the desire to even be in the word was not even there. Frustration would quickly arise anytime my Bible was opened! I took it to the Lord in prayer. Please renew the desire and passion for your word.
Music has always resonated deeply with me but that seemed to be lost as well during those few weeks. Praise the Lord for sisters in Christ!
We went to a Shane & Shane concert during those few weeks and God awoke my heart to His beautiful music again. Shane & Shane turned Psalm 145 into a song which has spoken huge volumes in my life recently. My beautiful friend and now roommate Kristen loves to worship through song and God used her to soften my heart again to music. The song Psalm 145 has amazing harmonies so I sung along with it and played it over and over again. One day I was sat down and attempted to read the Bible again and still huge tension formed and frustration built up. What is going on? I do not like this! I would get so angry with myself. Why can’t you be the Christian you used to April? You are not acting like you should! Then the song came to mind, so I turned in my Bible to Psalm 145 to actually read it. My heart soared!
Psalm 145: 8-9 “The Lord is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love. The Lord is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.” Wow so while I am angry at myself for not being the way I think I should be…perfect, the Lord is slow to be angry at me. But I am not faithful like I should be. Psalm 145:13b “The Lord is faithful to all his promises.” The Lord’s faithfulness is never hindered by my lack of faithfulness. When I do not feel like I am acting the way I should, the Lord is always moving. He has spoken so much to me through His word the past few months while I have been stressed about not being in His word like I think I should. However when I allow Him to draw me to it out of His love, not by my actions, then I am truly taught in the most humbling way. Psalm 145:19 “He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.” He has saved me again from myself. My thoughts of how I needed to act were hindering my relationship with Him. He answered my prayer and reignited the desire to be in His word, but it is out of genuine love, not out of the feeling of “should”.
He is always great no matter what I do. “Great is the Lord and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.” Psalm 145:3
