There’s a lie that whispers in my mind. It tells me I’m not enough, that I’ll never be worthy of anything good.
At one point in my life, this lie had such a stronghold over me that I found myself considering what it would look like to voluntarily leave this world. Nowadays, it’s mostly like an annoying fly that buzzed around my head. And if I remember to, I can just pull out my fly swatter of truth and strike it down.
My World Race was filled with an abundance of amazing experiences and beautiful people that are still etched on my heart to this day. But looking back on my Race, the countries, the people, the travel days, etc aren’t the first things I see. What I remember most, what’s marked me greatest is the transformation God began in me, my moments with Him where I was overwhelmed by His love and couldn’t help but want to praise His name.
See, I didn’t know it, but I started my World Race journey with the child version of myself tucked away in a corner of my heart. She was battered and bruised and completely mistrusting of God. I had ignored that little girl for so long, I had forgotten she was there until training camp ripped open the wounded depths of my heart.
I remember somewhere between training camp and launch hearing a sermon at church and the pastor went on and on about how amazing it is to be a son or daughter of our Heavenly Father. When I got home, I broke down crying because I couldn’t relate to a single thing being said to me. For me, being a girl and being a daughter hadn’t brought me much beyond heartache and pain (also a giant lie).
Somewhere around then is when I began to pray what I thought to be a crazy prayer: “God, show me what it means to be Your daughter.”
And that was my Race. God pursued me relentlessly; He showered me in truth and love. He gave me spiritual parents in the form of squad coaches whose hugs alone began to heal my heart.
It wasn’t all pretty. I was stripped of everything else that I had found worth in in one of the most painful processes I’ve gone through. My foundation was destroyed beneath me, but it left me ready for my foundation in Christ to be built.
There were many, many times I resisted or tried to run and hide, and at times I was even mad at God for what was happening. But He was patient and gentle and He was always there waiting when I came back around.
I’ve been home over 8 months now. And I’ll be honest, it is still a struggle sometimes to fully believe and walk in my identity as His daughter.
I came home from the Race terrified to leave my safe harbor that was my squad. I didn’t know if these lessons would stick coming back to America. It’s been a battle learning to fight for myself and look to God first for validation instead of other people. God knew I needed this time, though, to build up my relationship with Him without the ease of community by my side.
The story God has given me is one of learning my true identity and where my worth comes from. The details of my life are unique for me, yet the general theme is so often reflected in others.
My generation, especially, is hungry and crying out for more than what this world offers. It tends to become most apparent through social media. People flood Twitter, Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, etc. looking to gain the most followers, most views, the most ‘likes’. Deep down there is that desire to be seen, to be known, to be validated as worthy, shown that their lives mean something and they can have an impact and influence on others. It’s a generation hungry to be known and loved and God is just waiting to be invited in to know and love them.
That’s why I love Adventures in Missions so much. As an organization, they place equal value in those of other nations coming to know God and the spiritual journeys of those going out into the nations.
My heart burns with the desire to see my generation come to know and understand their identities as sons and daughter of God and to be mobilized to bring the hope and love of Christ into all corners of the world. And I know, like I know, like I know, that my story is my story so that it may be used to break chains and bring others to freedom.
In about four short weeks, I’m leaving to begin my road trip to move to Georgia and follow this call from God on my life. I’m going to be working for Adventures in Missions helping to mobilize others onto the missions field and I’ll be receiving further training for future missions work. It’s all part of a program called Center for Global Action (CGA).
I’m back to fundraising again and I have quite a ways to go. Total, I need $7,450, which has been broken down into several deadlines. Currently, I am working towards my first deadline.
By September 11th, I need to have raised $1,972. So I would like to invite you in and ask if you’d consider taking a step of faith as I take mine and partner with me, either through financially giving and/or committing to pray for me over this next year.
If you’d like to give, click that “Support Me!” link in the column on the left of the screen. Also, please consider committing to giving monthly, especially if you’re thinking you don’t have much to give. Because even a small amount multiplied by eight suddenly becomes so much greater.
As always, feel free to contact me at [email protected] or 530.356.4526 if you’d like to know more, or even if you just need some encouragement and prayer. I’d love to hear from you. 🙂
