I am wrecked.
My heart is ripped open.
Living back in Redding, being back in my old house, in my old room from my childhood…
…it brings back memories I'd much sooner forget.
It reopens wounds I had mistakenly thought were once healed.
I know that before healing, there must come brokenness.
And I know that that is where I sit now.
Exposed.
In pain.
Naked.
And vulnerable.
Waiting for my God to pull me into His arms
and remind me who I'm meant to be, not who I once was.
When will the healing come?
Why must I walk through this valley right now?
January couldn't come soon enough.
I wish that I was overseas already.
I wish I was back in community.
I wish that God could be here physically, something tangible to hold me up.
I know that the healing will come.
And I know it will be beautiful and glorious.
And I know that God has a purpose in all of this,
to use the healing of wounds in the lives of others.
But for now, my heart is broken.
Tears stream down my face.
And I cry out to my Abba, Father to come rescue me.
"They have greatly oppressed me from my youth – let Israel say-
they have greatly oppressed me from my youth,
but they have not gained the victory over me.Plowmen have plowed my back
and made their furrows long.
But the Lord is righteous;
he has cut me free from the cords of the wicked."
~ Psalm 129:1-4 (NIV)
