[Here’s a little glimpse into what this day was like for me….I fasted & prayed all day and couldn’t get the words out fast enough writing by hand, so I typed something up. I didn’t look at the file again for about a month, but decided to turn it into a blog. I did a little bit of editing, but most of it is just me being vulnerable. I hadn’t planned on sharing any of it, but I hope you enjoy!]
On This Good Friday…
I increased in my understanding of what Christ did on the cross, those many years ago.
I realize how hard it must have been for Jesus to know this was coming, how brave and trusting he had to be in His Father, and how painful it must have been; not only the physical pain, but the hurt that came from Judas’s betrayal and Peter’s denial, as well has to have your own people desire for your crucifixion.
I am so thankful. Through this trip, I have realized my sinful nature. It’s amazing how greedy and selfish you can be in a community, how much you think you deserve the last piece of bread, your own personal bubble of space in small quarters, and how much you realize who you really are when you live by the flesh.
I am sad to be away from my family, but glad for a purpose, for a job of sorts, and to be spending this sacred time with other people, aliens in their land. I hope to be as hospitable and caring as each country has been since on the Race, remembering that Christ told us to Go, and not bring a backpack or an extra tunic.
This Good Friday is the first that I can remember really thinking about the poor, the weak, the dejected and the lonely. I think I had previously just thought of it as a day when Jesus died, but it’s so much more. This whole world needs to know what Jesus has done, and I should be so quick to tell them. My whole life will change because of this trip, I already know that. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to ignore the poor or the destitute, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to go through anything without prayer and community, I don’t think I’ll ever be able to spend money in such a careless way again. I think that every purchase from now on will be a conscious one. As well as spiritual changes, I also think my eating habits will change. I want to know where my food comes from. I want to support local farmers and those whose wellbeing comes from the land. I want to eat healthily, I want to can & pickle my own fruits and vegetables, be a good steward with the little money I do have so that I can be responsible with more.
On this Good Friday, I pray for both of my sisters. I pray that they will know your goodness and mercy, Lord. I pray that they would both find so much joy and strength in you, and that they would be renewed by the Spirit you gave us. Lord, I pray that I would trust you with them, that I would trust that you will keep them safe and guide them into ways everlasting. I don’t know what to do or say in this situation, but I know that you have a plan for them and love them both dearly. Thank you, lord, for the relationship that we have built since those rocky years of growing up together. I thank you for 2 sisters to have fun with, to talk to, and to grow with. Lord, I pray that you will keep them safe until I get home.
I also pray for everyone who is searching for something today. Whether it’s love in all the wrong places, or approval or anything that is not you, God I pray you would change lives today! Speak through all the churches and Christians today, Lord. I pray that new believers would come to know you today, and that they would rejoice in your love and sovereignty. God I pray that you would whisper to those who are lonely, that you would shout to those who are headed down the road of destruction. Lord, I pray that your goodness would spread over them now. I pray especially now for the region of College Station. I pray for the ministry that will be happening tonight with JSL, that the women would feel so LOVED and cared for, that they would realize why these women are visiting them with gifts and interest, it’s because of YOU!! I pray for walls to be broken down and for relationships to be built tonight. I also pray that all the Christians in College Station who may just be “nominal� would press in to you and your message tonight, Lord. I pray for dinner conversations that talk of you and your good deeds, especially your Ultimate Sacrifice for us. God, I pray especially for those families that are going through hard times, that you would give each member supernatural patience, especially those with teenagers!!
Lord, as we are ending our time in Moldova, I pray that you would be so present with us, that you would strengthen us each day. I pray that I would remember to rely on you for strength, that I would not live on my flesh and my own abilities but that I would trust in you, Lord God. I pray for Saturday, that we would be able to labor for the church, Lord please use us! Show us areas that need to be taken care of, show us who to serve and who to talk to. Lord, I pray that you would strengthen Victor and his family. Jesus I pray that you would bless him and give him favor in all that he does, that he would continue to live a life for you.
Lord, I pray that you would give me words for Sunday. I pray that you would speak through Roberto and Elaina, and that you would help me to know what to speak on. God, should I tell how you rescued me from the pit? How you brought me out of pure darkness and hopelessness and set my feet on solid ground? Yes, Lord, that is the story I will tell. Of how you romanced me back into your arms. Of how you redeemed me even when I would not believe anymore. How you used others around me to show me your love, gently and without agenda. God I thank you so much for rescuing me. I forget most of the time, but I am so thankful for what you brought me through, and how each day you continue to help me through the muck. Lord, I praise you for all that you’ve done in my life so far, all that you’ve taught me and all the people you’ve let me meet! God, I pray that for the rest of this trip, I will fully rely on YOU and YOU ALONE! That I would not live off of good food, news from home, movies, books, exercising, or a good night’s rest—but only YOU, OH LORD MY GOD!!! As we enter into Africa in a few days time, I pray that you would hold my hand along the way. As we enter Debrief, that I would be able to cast all my anxiety on you and that I would trust that whatever happens, YOU will always be there. Yes, it may be hard and it may be people I don’t know very well, but you are constant! You will always be there for me, and you never change!
On Sunday, I pray that you would help me to focus on being fully here in Moldova, that I would not wish for home, or a big dinner, or being with my family, but to be content serving you. Lord I want that to be enough! I hate how human I am and how sinful my nature is, how often I need to feed my flesh! Lord, prepare me for this big holiday that I am spending without my family. I don’t know how You led me on the Race, or how you kept me calm through the whole process and never really let me freak out about it, but I thank you! If I really knew what was going to happen, how hard it would be, how many times I would get sick, how much I would miss my family, how you have to be “on your game� all the time… I don’t know if I would have left! Thank you for not letting me be concerned with all the details, and for leading me on this journey. Thank you for protecting my mind and thoughts from “what ifs� and just pushing me along. I pray that on Sunday, you would be glorified from the ends of the Earth. I pray that millions, yes, MILLIONS of people would come to know you, would remember why they are here on this Earth, and why you died for us!!! I pray there would be new believers coming out of the woodwork. Lord, be glorified!!
For Monday, I pray that the barbeque will go well. I am not sure exactly what this will look like, but I pray that there will be new, curious people in attendance. I pray that there will be sweet fellowship with believers and nonbelievers alike, and that your Spirit will enter into that forest. God I do pray that as we finish our time here in Moldova, that you would give me patience. Give me patience when things don’t go the way I thought they would, when a meeting goes longer than usual, or when I feel like my agenda is getting messed with. Help me to bloom where I’m planted, to be FULLY where I am and not just thinking ahead to the next thing. Lord, I pray that you would give this to me, that I will be able to engage with others and not shrink back!! Remind me that I have a voice, Lord!!!
For Tuesday, I pray that we will be able to visit the monastery and pray for the entire Orthodox Church here. God, I pray that you would break them from the strongholds of communism and tradition. Lord, I pray and expect new life to be breathed into these churches!! I pray for a revolution to come upon them, that their eyes would be opened in this Easter Season, that they would realize what you did and why you did it! God, I pray that you would touch some of the priests’ hearts tonight, that you would gently remind them that You are in control, and that you love them with an indescribable love!!!
For Wednesday, I pray that we will be all in, whatever our ministry ends up being for that day. I pray that we would not “check out�, but be fully present in what you have for us!! I pray that we would be able to bless Victor and his family, and I pray that he would know how much we appreciate him!!!
For Thursday, I pray that we would be thoughtful, Lord. I pray that you will show us how much money to give the ministry here, and give us the words and actions to show our gratitude. Lord, as we leave Moldova, I pray there would be no bitterness or regrets. I pray that we would leave with Moldova on our hearts, and that we would each continue to pray for this nation!! I pray that we would not brush aside the time we invested here, and that we would hope and pray for something different, A bright future for this country!!
Lord, as we go into debrief, I pray that I would be renewed by your Spirit. I’m still waiting on that new spiritual gift!!! God, I thank you that I am not entering this debrief with a lot of baggage. I thank you that there is not something weighing on my heart, that I am now able to say what needs to be said and not just hold it in. I pray that others on the squad would be able to take part in this freedom, that others would let You lead them into healthy confrontation. God, I pray that I would be able to maintain a good balance between catching up at home and catching up with people here. Help me to not feel guilty spending too much time with either side, but let both know that I love them and appreciate them. Lord, hold my hand for team changes! It seems a little scary, but I know you will see me through it.
God, as we head into Africa, I pray that each day I would lay my desires and wants at your feet. I pray that I would be able to depend on you for my daily bread, my daily water, and let you fill me up with your Spirit! It will be hard, I know…and very un-American, not a lot of comforts, and probably not much Internet. But I will have YOU, everlasting Father!! Help me to remember that on the hard days, the days when all I want to do is throw in the towel and go home, help me to remember your life here on Earth, a life you lived selflessly and wholly. God, help me to want to be more like you! Help me to sacrifice, to remember WHY I came here to serve the least of these! WHY I gave up a year of my life? Not to travel. Not to find my husband. Not to have the best stories to tell at parties. Not to make new friends. Not to learn new languages. Not to have something special on my resume.
It’s about YOU
YOU ALONE
I want to tell the world of your LOVE and what you have done for me!
What you have delivered me from
How you lifted me up and set my feet upon a Rock
How you cared for me and how you will never leave my side
I’m here to tell of your wonderful works, your endless deeds. May the rocks cry out if I don’t!!!
As today ends, I am thankful for my team Rapha family. Even though I get annoyed by them and they comment on how smelly my poops are, I love them dearly! I thank you for these 4 months with them, and pray that you would keep all of us connected in some way. I praise you for what you have done in these past two weeks. Even though there were times when I didn’t think you would bring us through, you did!! The flowers are blooming and the sun is shining now….thank you! Thank you father, for every good gift you give us! For each piece of bread, for every drop of water, every picture we get to take, and each person we meet, each song that we sing. I love you Lord!!! You are so good to me.
