In a way, I’m ready to go home.
Let me use a quick analogy.
Much to my mom’s chagrin, my dad will sometimes comment that “he’s ready to die.” Not out of any morbid desire or depression. Quite the opposite. He is simply appreciative of all that he has been able to enjoy: an incredible marriage, travel, professional success and excellence in every area of his life. Every box that one could reasonably put on a life checklist has been ticked off. While I am sure that he is looking forward to many more years of generosity, philanthropy, and grandchildren at some point (meanwhile I’m still on relational time-out for another 5.5 months), he describes his current phase of life as “Bonus Time”.
That’s where I’m at. I’ve had an incredible number of opportunities to serve everyone from drug dealers to school children, to offer prayers, testimonies, put my blood and sweat into projects around the world. I’ve been to 7 new countries in the past 5.5 months, and interacted with cultures I could never encounter back home.
Part of this journey has also been the chance to work on myself. Between the podcasts, prayers, reading of Scripture, multiple books each month, and conversations… I’m running on all cylinders, focused and working towards my goals. Unearthing a clear vision leading into my independent, adult life was a key factor of why I came on the Race.
In a way, I’m ready to go home.
I want to test these new ways of relating to others, these habits I’m forming, the call to minister to people in my daily life (in my native language?!).
Don’t worry, you won’t see me for another 5.5 months. Coming home isn’t remotely a consideration.
I’d simply place myself in Bonus Time. I have checked off everything on my list. Service. Community. Self-Discernment. Adventure. I can’t know what the future holds, but now I have more freedom to enjoy it without as much “pressure” (ever feel like you had to be happy on a vacation?). Freedom to work on my habits, to get stuck into my community, to pursue intimacy with God with the luxury of time and fewer distractions.
I have another 1.5 months in Africa, then 4 months in Southeast Asia. As I mentioned in a post in the not-too-distant past, I’ll still be fighting apathy. This community will continue to come alive–I didn’t think I’d be this close with my squad-mates at the halfway point, even as personal challenges have called 4 of the 32 home. Ministry will continue to surprise and stretch me. Hopefully coordinating squad travels from one country to the next doesn’t cause too many headaches. All in the name of growth. I’m in Bonus Time one way or the other.
To add a grain of salt to the mix, every single moment along the way has been a bonus. The generosity of my donors made this trip possible. It can be easy to forget that and feel some entitlement: “I worked hard to ‘earn’ these funds from my donors.” Rather than recognizing the nature of true generosity behind the gift. Each day is a gift from God, yet it’s easy to feel entitled to the next.
I couldn’t do anything to earn such generosity. $18,100 represents more work, and more time than I could hope to return. Blogs, photos, even reciprocal gifts when I return couldn’t bridge the gap. So, while I will continue to do these things, I would like to truly thank each of my donors for the nature of the gift: without promise of return. I can’t earn the spot here, just as we cannot earn salvation. The price has been paid by another. In the meantime, I’ll do my best to show my appreciation for the gift in what I say and what I do.
Prayer Requests: Continued discipline in pursuing my goals, living boldly in my faith, and learning to listen better. Especially this last one, I catch myself monopolizing conversations and bringing it back to me instead of looking to learn from others, and pointing back to God.
