I have been raised a Roman Catholic. My dad was raised as one, my mother discerned and converted early in their marriage. I was fortunate to attend private, Catholic schools for much of my education, culminating in high school at Bishop Blanchet in Seattle. Then at the University of Washington, with a new freedom to choose my communities, the people I spent my time with, I sought out the Newman Center, the Catholic parish serving UW students. At first.
I attended Freshman Group each Tuesday at 7pm my freshman year. It was a great experience with tons of friends, inside jokes, teachings, and retreats. Yet it was too familiar. The Newman Center hit many of the same notes as my high school experience both socially and religiously. I wasn’t ready for university to be high school 2.0, I had happily said goodbye to that chapter of my life. So part way through winter quarter I decided to check out The INN, a non-denominational Christian worship night attracting hundreds of students at UW.
The INN was a totally new experience for me. Contemporary, highly emotive worship songs, tons of interesting opportunities to get involved, a huge, young, dynamic Christian community. I quickly made a number of connections and accepted an invitation to a retreat that weekend. The topic was relationships, and being in the midst of relational discernment, this was a highly pertinent message. So began my experience in the INN community. It was a world away from the more intimate, reflective, and reverent atmosphere at the Newman Center.
For the remainder of the year, I continued to attend Freshman Group at 7, then I would hop over to the INN at 9. Led by Ryan Church and Janie Reid, the messages at The INN were quite encouraging and relevant, nor did I find them at odds with Catholicism. So it seemed a perfect supplement to enliven my faith and provide further intimacy with God.
Over the next several years, my involvement at the Newman Center dwindled, I never invested into VERITAS, their undergraduate group. My sophomore year at The INN I joined leadership and lived in a men’s Christian house a few houses up the street. I also joined a fraternity, and bit by bit my connections back to the Newman Center (outside of friendly nods on Sundays) disappeared.
Given this context, perhaps it’s easier to understand why I applied for the World Race, which is very much a non-Catholic missions trip. I was in a space that believed in Christian relativism, that each person’s belief didn’t hold any more truth than anyone else’s in the Christian sphere. The belief there isn’t a greater, absolute truth, or if there is, that there is no earthly paradigm to determine how close we are to it. I had forgotten about the true authority of the Catholic Church, best understood by examining the doctrines of apostolic succession and infallibility.
I carried this “all truths equal” mindset through my senior year, though I began to doubt it as The INN took a radical left-hand turn and my own disagreement grew. Then during the “man hike” at training camp Bill Swan (director of the World Race) and I discussed my concerns about being a Catholic on the World Race. He is one of the wisest men I know, and his feedback for how I could engage and learn from others as they could learn from me was good and largely true. However, it was hinged on an assumption where I must depart: Catholicism holds no more authority than one Protestant denomination would over another. It was seen as just another denomination with no greater claim on the truth than another. Practically, this means that I’m more often at odds with my fellow missionaries. We don’t listen to the same podcasts or read the same books. We have different views on the means of salvation, the importance of going to Church on Sunday, how we worship and pray. In Malawi I had a ministry host tell me I disrespected his household by continuing to go to Church on Sundays while I stayed with him (no surprise after his sermons blasting religious structures, I took it on the chin). In Nicaragua we were evangelizing with a pastor who actively attempted to dissuade local Catholics from attending mass, that his church “offered a relationship”. I’ve been told “Thank you for not speaking up” during a conversation about the Holy Spirit because my view differs significantly from those of many of my squad mates. I’m set apart, and that’s difficult.
That said, I’m glad I came. For several reasons.
Reason one. My time on the Race helped me rediscover my Catholicism. It was by interacting with concepts that I disagreed with that led me back. In the questions of “What do Catholics believe on _______?” followed up by the inevitable “Why?” I was pushed to take greater ownership of my faith. Conversations about the ministerial priesthood, infallibility, mortal vs. venial sin, the nature of baptism vs. confirmation, why we go to confession, the nature of the Trinity, the hesitations I still struggle with in miracles of healing/recovery, moral intent and fertility, what constitutes grave matter. Because on the outside, Catholicism can look like a lot of rules (something my generation hates). This year I’ve come to understand the heart behind these different rules, to understand their place in the context of a relationship and as a way to honor God.
Reason two. There are still things I have learned from non-Catholics. A quote that floated around from time to time in my household from a childhood priest was “Catholicism doesn’t have a corner on the truth”. Rule #9 of Jordan B. Peterson is “Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you don’t.” I’ll probably have to follow this point up with another post, but in short, there is still so much to learn from my brothers and sisters in Christ. Some have an incredible “yes” in their spirit. Some have incredible knowledge of Scripture. I’ve encountered the great servant hearts. Various style of leadership. I’ve seen the real life applications of the “hands and feet” Biblical analogy in my squad mates with different giftings and passions than my own. I’ve seen the value in authenticity and vulnerability. Through it all, God is at work. In me, in my peers, in the people we serve, in the hosts we stay with–Catholic or not. Even in the lessons, doctrines, theologies I disagree with, I can still find at least a shred of truth or something for me to improve upon.
Reason three. I have had the chance to teach others about Catholicism. Sadly, there are a lot of misconceptions about the Catholic Church within Protestant circles. This year has been a massive occasion to discuss and educate others about Catholic doctrine. Topics ranging from the veneration of saints, the role of Mary, beliefs in the nature of sin, of salvation, what it means to believe in justification by both faith and works (hint: not earning salvation), why we have a ministerial priesthood, and what infallibility really means. This ties back into reason number 2, I had to learn more about these thing myself! Because teaching is one of the best ways to own a topic as others bring up questions you had glossed over yourself. Conversations have been largely civil, and the other Catholic on the squad, Mike, and I had the chance to have a Q&A for our squad when we were in Malawi. The genuine desire for some on our squad to learn about the Catholic faith has been heart-warming, though the disinterest of others is difficult to face when you’re convicted you know a truth they haven’t considered.
Speaking of the “other Catholic on the squad”.. Mike Fawcett Wood has been an incredible blessing to have by my side for 9 of the 11 months this year. He lives with a thirst to live out his faith more deeply, and more radically at all times. He pursues prayer and fasting with an urgency that I deeply admire. He has provided an incredible example of what a bold and courageous faith looks like. His example has raised quite a few questions for myself over the last several months: What full dedication to my faith looks like, what true surrender to God’s will looks like (for me, a planner, this is tough), and what I need to work on to be a better listener, more approachable. Because he is quite possibly the most accessible person on the squad. He lives by an incredible example, and has been an incredible support to me in this journey. I cannot imagine what this year would have looked like without him.
Like I said above, I’m glad that I came. This year has been an incredible chance to grow in my faith, and to take greater ownership of my Catholicism. On my return home, I’ll certainly continue discerning what it looks like to live this out. What communities I want to be a part of. What intentionality in my relationships looks like. How do I bring what I have learned beyond myself to the Kingdom, to the Church, to my family, friends, communities that don’t know (or have simply forgotten) who God is in their lives? To a romantic relationship someday (God-willing)? I don’t know all the answers right now. I’ll simply need to be living in what we World Racers call an “ATL mindset”… asking God into everything I do, to live boldly, to know Him better, to glorify Him. That at least, is universal.
