God I need to listen
God I want to hear you more.
Why am I not hearing you?
Oh wait because I want to hear you in ways that I WANT and that I feel comfortable hearing you in.
This month is basically 100% spirit lead wherever we feel called to do ministry that is where we are allowed to do ministry and I am STRAINING to hear God and be lead by him. Who am I to put God in the box of how He speaks to me? I desire so much to be so close with Him and be lead by Him in everything I do and yet I’m just talking away and telling Him what I want and I’m not even hearing myself. Following Gods plans and being in tune with the Holy Spirit is actually not that hard of a thing to do but we as humans over-complicate everything! ( story of my life!)
God is funny how He works sometimes (ok actually all the time!). I will be trying my hardest to be still and listen to Him and what He wants me to do and all I’ll get is silence or my own thoughts on the situation. God will never ignore me, but He will also not take orders from me. I’ll be asking for an answer about something that has troubled me that day and all He will respond with is how much He loves me. He just wants to love on us in all ways. As much as I want to pursue Him, He wants to pursue me and love me more than I could ever imagine. All I have to do is shut up and allow Him to speak to me in whatever way He wants.
I have this feeling that He has BIG things in store for me this month as well as the rest of the World Race but I am not allowing Him to work in my heart, I want these great things to happen so He can be glorified more and more through me but I’m trying to be a busy bee and DO all of these THINGS, when all my Father wants me to do is SIT on His lap and allow Him to comfort me and speak into the inner most part of my being. He wants to hear my heart, but He so desperately wants my heart to fill up with His love and kindness and just to glorify Himself through me.
So now, I must throw away all of my routines with the Lord and just allow myself to just BE with Him and rest in His presence and go from there. I can no longer try and limit God to speaking to me in music or journaling, not that they are bad things but putting God in those boxes IS a bad thing.
He so desperately wants to be my biggest supporter and my biggest means of encouragement but its hard for Him to do that when all I am doing is blabbing off to Him any chance I get.
Father God I praise you for how patient you are with me. After so many “word vomit” talks with You, I’m finally listening. Here I am Father, just you and I laying in a field enjoying just being with You and allowing You to finally move in my life. If you just want me to lay here in the grass staring at the sky, that is ok! I desire your presence in the ways YOU want me to and not the other way around.
Attention blog readers my 3rd support deadline is quickly approaching (December 1st) and I am still $2,300 away from meeting that deadline. I ask that you would prayerfully consider blessing me with the privilege of continuing this crazy, amazing and eye-opening experience and join my support system by making a donation to my account. However big or small, God will use it in BIG ways.
