In Ireland last month, a seemingly small event occurred which led to a rather large revelation. Hutch took Laura and I shopping one day and as it came time to pay, he pulled out his wallet and paid for our groceries. We were blown away and so grateful for his generosity.
As Laura and I walked back to the car, we discussed how this would help our budget and how we could save some for later. We still had our World Race budget that we had to keep to and we still had that mindset that we needed to only be spending a certain amount for food.
Hutch interrupted our conversation and spoke to us about how his money was a gift. He’d paid for our groceries in order to bless us so we had no right to save but we were to continue to pay it forward and bless the squad. He encouraged us to use the extra money that we now had, in order to purchase things like ice-cream, Oreos and soft drink, which are not usually apart of the budget.
We were still living like poor people.
(I know this is exaggerated and in no means do we ever lack on the World Race – I am just trying to make a point.)
We had been given extra money but we didn’t even initially enjoy it because we didn’t accept it as a gift and we hadn’t adjusted our thinking.
As I was thinking about it later, I realised that this happens a lot in everyday life. We know the freedom of the Lord but we don’t always live in it. We still live like slaves sometimes. We don’t walk in the freedom and authority that comes along as being someone set free and a son or daughter of the King.
I know this to be true of myself and something that the Lord has been teaching me. My parents came to visit in July while we were in Vietnam. As I was thinking of them coming, I was collecting fun memories from the previous months and wondering how I’d share what had been happening. The Lord started speaking about how He wanted it to be an intentional time and how He was going to use the short visit for an important purpose.
He started asking me to share with them parts of my life that I hadn’t opened up about. As I was praying in Cambodia about the upcoming visit, He spoke to me about being open and vulnerable with my parents just like I had been with my team on the World Race.
It seemed a little scary. Although there had been healing in my life and God had brought full redemption, I still struggled with the shame. I thought that somehow people would think less of me.
My parents came to Vietnam and I had written them a letter telling them I wanted to share some things with them. I’d given them the letter when they first arrived so one night, we were sitting in a bakery and they asked, “So what did you want to talk to us about?”
There was no backing out. I told them about my struggle with bulimia and how I’d struggled with it for several years during high school but had always covered it. I’d hidden my battle with the lies of not being good enough and not believing I was beautiful.
I was able to share how Jesus had spoken truth to me and broken those chains that had kept me in bondage. He’d won the battle. There,in that little bakery in Vietnam, as I spoke freely, I experienced another level of freedom that I didn’t think was possible.
It’s not something that I’m ashamed about anymore because The Lord has brought me through it and He has healed me. He has shown me that it is because of His power that I do not struggle anymore and because of Him that I can live in freedom. I want to live the abundant and full life that He has prepared for me and right now it means sharing openly.
So now it’s my time to say, it’s ok. For those of you that struggle with eating disorders or other secret struggles that keep you from living in freedom, speak out. Risk that scary conversation do not believe the lies that you are weak if you struggle. You are brave when you share. You don’t have to struggle alone. Talk to someone and bring them in so that in the light, healing can begin.
Psalm 36:5,7+9
Your love, Lord, reaches to the heavens, your faithfulness to the skies. How priceless is your unfailing love, O God! People take refuge in the shadow of your wings. For with you is the fountain of life; in your light we see light.
