We here in Northern Ireland and it’s a lot like home.
Cars follow road rules, most people speak English and we can drink water from the tap without becoming ill.
It’s familiar after being in Asia for 5 months.
But suddenly there’s been questions.
In a place that feels a lot like home, it’s making me reflect and question what’s happened over the last seven months.
Did God really do those things? Yes, He did.
Did God really speak new words to me and change my heart? Yes, He did.
Did God really bring freedom into my life into areas I’d hidden for so long. Yes, He did and He continues to do so.
I am in a place that looks like home and it’s reminding me of the person that left Australia in January. I boarded the plane with so many questions and I was so unsure of what was to come. There were many things in my life that I wanted to be rid of and I had specific areas that I wanted God to grow me in. I was struggling seeing Him every day and I was over the routine relationship I had with Him. I wanted more. So much more.
And the Lord, in His great faithfulness has answered my every cry. He has brought me freedom, He has refreshed my heart and brought me into a deeper relationship with Himself. He’s introduced me to people all over the world that have inspired and challenged me and He’s broken my heart once again for the lost. He’s shown me how to live out of relationship with Him.
I’ve fallen in love with Him again.
But He’s not finished yet. Being here, amongst the comfortable, I’m realising that going home is not going to be easy. Being on the mission field hasn’t eradicated every weakness but in a surprising twist, it has highlighted the areas I still struggle.
I still find it hard to pursue the Lord when there are so many friends here that I want to have coffee with. It’s easy to engage in gossip because it sometimes feels good to be justified and vent. There’s still ugliness in my heart that comes out as comparison or entitlement. And believe it or not, I still sometimes fear what God says and so I don’t step out immediately, I walk away from a prayer opportunity or I ignore what He’s saying completely.
As the Lord calls me deeper, I find that my life requires self-sacrifice and the giving up of my time. It’s a constant process of choosing to love above everything else. It means putting Him first and making my relationship with Him a priority, even when there are a million and one distractions.
There are three more months left of this adventure called the World Race and I believe they will involve putting into action the lessons I’ve learnt over the last eight months as well as new revelations. Moving from inward experience to outward movement.
So even though there’s only three months left, that’s actually quite a bit of time! Plenty of time to work on the relationships I have with my squadmates, opportunities to love on people and for my relationship with the Lord to grow even more.
I know life doesn’t end after month eleven debrief, but I do know it will be different. The race of life will continue to be up and down and full of questions but my life will remain in the hands of the Father who loves me. And even though there is uncertainty of what’s next, it’s ok. I know He has it in control and I can rest in that assurance.
