Teaching English isn’t really my thing. My spelling is crap and my vocabulary is simple. Public speaking I will do but I’m not a big fan, I love small groups, and I don’t want to be the one everyone’s eyes are on. For our two months in Thailand we are, teaching English, speaking in front of groups, and teaching bible studies.
Every day I wake up knowing that I am not particularly skilled in any one of these three areas. But the days I say “Jesus use me however you want and let it be your words and not mine” are the days that I feel like I do the best; because its not actually me. I am only the vessel Jesus is using.
Holding a conversation doesn’t seem like a necessity all the time for me. I am ok with sitting in silence, but being an english teacher that’s not really an option. The whole point is to keep conversation going and having the students speak and understand as much as possible. Sometimes I think God is laughing at me when I’m trying to explain a word that I don’t even really know what it is, for example “collagen replacement”. Making an english class into an hour or two of games has been my go to: we have played Never Have I Ever, Simon Says, Hangman, and Scharads. It takes all the energy out of me, but somehow he always makes it enjoyable.
My team and I are leading a bible study with 3 of the older boys at Abba House (our ministry). We are currently reading Revelation. I taught the first chapter; without Jesus explaining every verse for me nothing would have made any sense. Only because I asked to have my eyes and heart opened to what Jesus is speaking to us in Revelation was I able to understand and express what He is saying to me and to everyone else.
Last night I shared my testimony with a small church/gathering in the slums. I didn’t really have any idea of where to start with my story, so preparing didn’t do me much good. All I could do was lean completely on the Lord asking him to speak to these people what they needed to hear from my story. When I started I could hear the Lord telling me about the way He has and still is transforming my anger into love. So that’s what I shared: the way that love overwhelms us so that anger doesn’t need to have a hold on us. It felt so natural everything that I was saying because I knew Jesus was right there with me and walking me through it.
Although this would not of been my choice of ministry, I know that God wanted me here. He wanted me to grow in all these areas, but most of all he wanted me to give up doing things on my own and out of my own strength. Even though I could be in a ministry that is more comfortable, I would never want to be doing anything else for the next two months. As long as I am leaning into the Lord I feel like I’m thriving.
I am still FUNDRAISING and my deadline for all $15,000 is on DECEMBER 29th. I am still in need of about $3,000. Please ask the Lord if He wants you to be apart of funding this trip and all the ministries we are going to. I know Jesus wants me to be apart of this trip for the full 9 months so I have no doubt that he will provide. I would love for you to be apart of it!
